Shit I'm tired today. I didn't go to bed till 7am and got up at 12, maybe 12:30. I dont really remember. You should check out my previous journal entry to read my late night rambeling about what went on last night. It was good times. Haha.
I talked to Sheila today. That was good. It's been a few days so I was starting to get a little worried, and add to the fact that we hit some bad spots and I was having a few personal 'issues'. It was good to talk to her and know every thing is good. I can be real fucking needy, though, so just talking for a little bit isnt enough some times. I dunno...I could go into it, but I dont know how to explain. I'll just say that, among other things, I have some abandonment issues. Oddly, I think a situation like this is good, cause it forces me to 'suck it up' in a way. She's far away, so I can't control her, we're not actually a couple, so I can't expect every thing from her, and I know she has some issues about opening up, so again, I can't expect her to validate me every time I talk to her. A positive thing to close on is that I trust her, and I have a hard time trusting any one. I think it's cause Ive known her for 8 years, and up untill I made the trip to see her in July, it had always been just friends. It's only with girls that I'm dating that all my baggage comes up (or at least like and actually get to interact with), so by the time that we both realized our feelings, a strong founddation of trust had all ready been lain. When I ask her a question cause I have some paranoid doubts, she's calms me with her answer. I have no doubts. It's a nice change for me. It feels good to trust, and it feels good to have my fears soothed for a change.
I think a lot of things about her, and I wonder if she thinks the same way. It kind of scares me. Am I just beeing my needy self, looking to fill the void in my life left by my mom? Or have I just found some one that every thing is right with? Sadly, even if it is the second one, there is only a slim chance that things will ever be.
Oh well. As we've both agreed, even if we don't end up in the same place, it's been a treat to know one another and have a friendship like the one we've had.
I'm in a good mood. Got out last night, talked to Sheila. It's a nice change of pace.
I talked to Sheila today. That was good. It's been a few days so I was starting to get a little worried, and add to the fact that we hit some bad spots and I was having a few personal 'issues'. It was good to talk to her and know every thing is good. I can be real fucking needy, though, so just talking for a little bit isnt enough some times. I dunno...I could go into it, but I dont know how to explain. I'll just say that, among other things, I have some abandonment issues. Oddly, I think a situation like this is good, cause it forces me to 'suck it up' in a way. She's far away, so I can't control her, we're not actually a couple, so I can't expect every thing from her, and I know she has some issues about opening up, so again, I can't expect her to validate me every time I talk to her. A positive thing to close on is that I trust her, and I have a hard time trusting any one. I think it's cause Ive known her for 8 years, and up untill I made the trip to see her in July, it had always been just friends. It's only with girls that I'm dating that all my baggage comes up (or at least like and actually get to interact with), so by the time that we both realized our feelings, a strong founddation of trust had all ready been lain. When I ask her a question cause I have some paranoid doubts, she's calms me with her answer. I have no doubts. It's a nice change for me. It feels good to trust, and it feels good to have my fears soothed for a change.
I think a lot of things about her, and I wonder if she thinks the same way. It kind of scares me. Am I just beeing my needy self, looking to fill the void in my life left by my mom? Or have I just found some one that every thing is right with? Sadly, even if it is the second one, there is only a slim chance that things will ever be.
Oh well. As we've both agreed, even if we don't end up in the same place, it's been a treat to know one another and have a friendship like the one we've had.
I'm in a good mood. Got out last night, talked to Sheila. It's a nice change of pace.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
rannie:
yeah, good luck for sure. he lives forever away from me
rannie:
fuck that small world shit. whoever said that must have had a personal jet and lots of cash
