Journal 2
So last night i stayed up till 6am talking with elisabeth. Looks like im doing the same tonight. She's easy to talk to. It's quite nice.
But today's topic is regret.
My regret involves 3 people. Me, Nicole (who was the object of my affection), and Charlie (who was a good good friend of mine).
So I worked with Nicole. We became friends and often stopped working just to sit in the back of the store and talk. We talked about her boyfriend at the time, our families, our troubles, fucked up past, whatever. We got along quite well, and I ended up falling for her quite badly after a few months.
I took Nicole to my prom. We talked. We danced. I danced for her, because she wanted me to. I never danced before that, or since. I don't know how. She just giggled in that way that she made me feel secure when i had to have looked like a fool.
After a while Charlie comes and starts working at the store. We are different. He is smooth and all that shit, and I'm crass and blunt. We became pretty close and hung out a bit. I told him about Nicole. He made me a promise not to make the moves on her. But agreed that she was beautiful.
It was a Sunday afternoon. All 3 of us were working. I was off doing shit and they were talking. That night he tells me that he broke his promise, and is gonna start dating her, and that he's sorry.
My gut turns. I feel like i have knife inside my back. One of the people I trusted just fuckin broke a promise to me.
Well they date for a while and start to go steady. Me and her go out to lunch and she describes their sex life. That knife got a whole lot bigger, and a whole lot deeper. I drift from both of them.
Well she decides to quit the store we were working at after they broke up. We were walking through the store and talking and somehow her thinking i'm cute came up. I ask her why we never went out.
She looked at me in the eye and said "You never asked."
Fuck.
I kicked myself for a long time for that, and in a way i still do. Though I should have, I didn't learn from it really. Just how to accpet regret with a cold face.
She went into the army not too long after that, and I haven't heard from her in about a year and a half.
So last night i stayed up till 6am talking with elisabeth. Looks like im doing the same tonight. She's easy to talk to. It's quite nice.
But today's topic is regret.
My regret involves 3 people. Me, Nicole (who was the object of my affection), and Charlie (who was a good good friend of mine).
So I worked with Nicole. We became friends and often stopped working just to sit in the back of the store and talk. We talked about her boyfriend at the time, our families, our troubles, fucked up past, whatever. We got along quite well, and I ended up falling for her quite badly after a few months.
I took Nicole to my prom. We talked. We danced. I danced for her, because she wanted me to. I never danced before that, or since. I don't know how. She just giggled in that way that she made me feel secure when i had to have looked like a fool.
After a while Charlie comes and starts working at the store. We are different. He is smooth and all that shit, and I'm crass and blunt. We became pretty close and hung out a bit. I told him about Nicole. He made me a promise not to make the moves on her. But agreed that she was beautiful.
It was a Sunday afternoon. All 3 of us were working. I was off doing shit and they were talking. That night he tells me that he broke his promise, and is gonna start dating her, and that he's sorry.
My gut turns. I feel like i have knife inside my back. One of the people I trusted just fuckin broke a promise to me.
Well they date for a while and start to go steady. Me and her go out to lunch and she describes their sex life. That knife got a whole lot bigger, and a whole lot deeper. I drift from both of them.
Well she decides to quit the store we were working at after they broke up. We were walking through the store and talking and somehow her thinking i'm cute came up. I ask her why we never went out.
She looked at me in the eye and said "You never asked."
Fuck.
I kicked myself for a long time for that, and in a way i still do. Though I should have, I didn't learn from it really. Just how to accpet regret with a cold face.
She went into the army not too long after that, and I haven't heard from her in about a year and a half.