seeing as i have no more income at all from any source, and all i have is 1.30 in pennies, 2 nickles, a dime, and a quarter, and bills continuing to mount. It is looking like i'm going to have to submit to the will of whichever corporation will enslave my mortal body. i can't afford to be picky about wether or not they'll allow me to wear my mohawk. I have no one to blame save myself though, i chose to buy into the corporations by getting a cell phone, a new truck, etc. I took these responsabilities upon myself, and refused to deal with them as the adult i should be acting like, i am fucking 20 already, and still have no goals, save getting out of debt, which is a very bad goal for a 20 year old, but at least my goal isn't getting out of jail or some really fucked up shit like that.
but tonight, me, ian, and our friends rick, and tyler, are having our new years eve party tonight, since none of us could do anything on the eve itself. beer, curtousy of ian, green thanks to tyler and ricky, and a bottle of Bailey's from me, indirectly from sue. she gave it to me for new year's eve, which is totally fucked up, cuz she is usually so anal about anyone under 21 drinking.
Target mailed me a check for the 5 hours that i worked that day a while ago, $37, which means a carton of smokes and some gas.
Aaron, the guy at the bank, hopefully he'll be able to get me a really good job, something at least that i can get cought up with, we'll see tomorrow when i go and talk to him.
it just happens to be on right now, so i'm gonna comment on it. viva la bam is some stupid shit, i just find it obnoxious. bam is an arrogant ass, but his family all takes it because the money he makes gives them an otherwise comfortable life. or maybe that's just how his family is, but mine or any family i've gotten to know wouldn't let that shit fly for more then 5 mins. but what do we frail slaves to the media do, we watch and obey, so here i find myself watching it without sound, because i'm listening to the new perfect circle, while downloading crap, eating pizza, and drinking bailey's. why am i not happy with the life i lead?
The poison of my choice slips past my fleshless lips,
To spill upon the cold floor made sharp ice,
Cutting deep into the soft flesh that treads not,
Blood and liquor flow around my grinding feet,
I struggle to get away only to shred my legs to nubs,
Clawing at the ground I fight an eternal struggle,
Raped by frozen daggers gushing forth my blood,
I rage my anger to anyone that will listen,
No beautiful angel to fly down and rescue me,
To kiss my wounds and heal that which pains me,
Forsaken to writhe in torment in a hell of my design,
Even the blessed release of death is forbid my will,
God sheds no tears for one that is such as I am,
The devil himself could have devised no finer torture,
A vision of the loves I've lost come to my bone dry eyes,
A love I could not support fell victim to her own depression,
A love so unlike me now worships a white powder,
A love who would rather savage beatings then my tender kisses,
So have I learned that to try is to fail at the task at hand,
All that I have was given by the good will of others,
For the world I leave nothing in return for that I've taken,
Truly a parasite am I,
Blemish upon the world,
Burn me off your face,
Cast away my ashes,
Plauges I create,
Anguish I spread,
Sadness I am.
but tonight, me, ian, and our friends rick, and tyler, are having our new years eve party tonight, since none of us could do anything on the eve itself. beer, curtousy of ian, green thanks to tyler and ricky, and a bottle of Bailey's from me, indirectly from sue. she gave it to me for new year's eve, which is totally fucked up, cuz she is usually so anal about anyone under 21 drinking.
Target mailed me a check for the 5 hours that i worked that day a while ago, $37, which means a carton of smokes and some gas.
Aaron, the guy at the bank, hopefully he'll be able to get me a really good job, something at least that i can get cought up with, we'll see tomorrow when i go and talk to him.
it just happens to be on right now, so i'm gonna comment on it. viva la bam is some stupid shit, i just find it obnoxious. bam is an arrogant ass, but his family all takes it because the money he makes gives them an otherwise comfortable life. or maybe that's just how his family is, but mine or any family i've gotten to know wouldn't let that shit fly for more then 5 mins. but what do we frail slaves to the media do, we watch and obey, so here i find myself watching it without sound, because i'm listening to the new perfect circle, while downloading crap, eating pizza, and drinking bailey's. why am i not happy with the life i lead?
The poison of my choice slips past my fleshless lips,
To spill upon the cold floor made sharp ice,
Cutting deep into the soft flesh that treads not,
Blood and liquor flow around my grinding feet,
I struggle to get away only to shred my legs to nubs,
Clawing at the ground I fight an eternal struggle,
Raped by frozen daggers gushing forth my blood,
I rage my anger to anyone that will listen,
No beautiful angel to fly down and rescue me,
To kiss my wounds and heal that which pains me,
Forsaken to writhe in torment in a hell of my design,
Even the blessed release of death is forbid my will,
God sheds no tears for one that is such as I am,
The devil himself could have devised no finer torture,
A vision of the loves I've lost come to my bone dry eyes,
A love I could not support fell victim to her own depression,
A love so unlike me now worships a white powder,
A love who would rather savage beatings then my tender kisses,
So have I learned that to try is to fail at the task at hand,
All that I have was given by the good will of others,
For the world I leave nothing in return for that I've taken,
Truly a parasite am I,
Blemish upon the world,
Burn me off your face,
Cast away my ashes,
Plauges I create,
Anguish I spread,
Sadness I am.
how is it a hell of your own making? (i don't want the obvious answer though ;o)
why is death denied you?
thank you for the talk. i enjoyed it very much. i will bear in mind your drunkenness if you'll promise to remember that i'm feverish and medicated. (smile)
me, i'm not allowed to die. i've been very close to being dead several times but something always keeps me from going. i was wondering if anything like that ever happened to you. i have felt your joy in your writing and your pain. it seems more like you have some hope, but you're afraid of it because it seems always to be dashed. you get down and you lack the will to live, but also the will to die. you just go on. i know that "place" well. very well.
Truly a parasite am I,
Blemish upon the world,
Burn me off your face,
Cast away my ashes,
Plagues I create,
Anguish I spread,
Sadness I am.
would you tell me about that part?