daekrys

It's all too much, everthing, every last god damned fucking thing. Think of something, and has gone wrong, is wrong, or rest assured, will soon be going wrong. It feels like the last three months have all hit me at once. The fact the I really am single, and likely to stay that way for an unfortunately long time. That my best friend, whom I have worked with for the past year. If I want to go see him, I have to at least $40 for gas, plus whatever I'm gonna spend on food and such. Which I can't do, because I'm barely making my bills, because I had to go and get a fuckin truck that I knew I couldn't really afford comfortably. The girl that I do want to be with, and wants to be with me, can't due to circumstances which just keep mounting, I'm worried sick about her, because something utterly horrible has happened to her, that I have had no experiance with. So I have no idea how she feels, or any way that I could even begin to comfort her. My only real good friend left that I can actually see in person is Ian. But we have the kind of friendship where we get together and just fuck around and have fun. I have no one that I can go to and have deep, emotianally intense convorsations with. And right now that is the one thing that I crave more then anything else I can think of. I just want someone to come to me and tell me that everything is gonna be fine. I know that everything will be, because I have forced myself to always try and be positive. But when it rains, it fuckin downpours like a mother fuckin hurricane. It would just be nice to have someone come up with another umbrella until some sunshine comes out. I'm kinda thinking about moving up to Grand Rapids, it's really nice out there. Even though I stick out like blown off with an M-80 thumb. The rent for places up there is a lot cheaper, smokes are cheaper, only problem is that jobs pay less too. But if I were to it would be a process, I've toyed witht he idea of how I would go about moving up there. Take a couple of extra days off of work and go look for some work up there, which I know would be even harder up there then it is down here. But all that even if it did happen, wouldn't happen for a long time. I still need to get a second job here so that I can get cought up and save up at least a few grand. I'm sick of living paycheck to paycheck. For the most part I guess that's where I'm at right now, heres looking up through the clouds to the future money, romances, and other good things in life.