Excerpt from The Seduction of the World's Wildest Beasts: A How-To
by Megan Thoma
Bengal Tiger:
It will be alone, not talking to anyone, surveying the scene coyly. When it walks by, ask it to settle a bet between you and your friend. Collect a dollar from your friend when it confirms or denies that Neil Patrick Harris is immortal. This will be the first thing you ever have in common. Spend the rest of the night pointing out other coincidences. Accidentally brush your arm against its furry leg. Mention you are tired of relationships and simply want to share moments: you're a "stop for a drink, share the kill, and mate" kinda person. Tell it you aren't scared to walk home by yourself, but you also aren't one to turn down a ride from an attractive Bengal tiger.
i'm not sure how long this tiger theme will continue, but i assure you that the first person to complain will be swiftly torn apart by the emo tiger mentioned above.
on the plus side, at least i'm not writing about potential van designs this time. sorry, i mean Vantasy designs.
also, the cable guy came yesterday and said something to the extent of "your building is an old piece of shit and we can't fix the wiring, so your cable will be screwed until the day they put this place out of its misery". so... does anyone have a solid reason for me to not switch to telus dsl? speak now or forever hold your peace.
is it hot there?