has anyone else noticed the extreme amount of only getting one nipple pierced lately??
anyway on a nother note
update on the x's
i talked to the most recent x (there's more in recent journal entries) for 3 hours tonight. where did we get? nowhere except that we're 'talking'. and he doesnt plan on having sex with anyone and doesnt want me to either. oops
i wish i could be like the guy in 'what women want' and read guys minds so i know when theyr'e fucking me over. i usually do but i always think the best in people and thats where i get fucked. argh. and then i talked to my other x i ran into last night as well and he wants to hang out tomorrow. i mean. come on.
fuck me over once. your bad.
fuck me over twice. my bad.
yet i keep going for third time's a charm and it obviously never works out or i'd be married by now.
and i know what most of you are thinking, damn this girls only 20, but realize i almost did get married a few years ago. he was uspposed to go on tour and said he watned to get engaged so i didtn cheat on him while he was gone,, then decided to sabatodged (sp?) the tour so he could stay here. yeah. fuck that.
trust and communication are the two biggest things in a relationship. if you dont have those? your're fucked.
anyhow, as i was saying, i think i'm the oldest 20 year old out there. and for any of those who know me well enough you'll understand that.
hense the reason why i've never hung out with people less than 5 years older than me for the most part. with a few exceptions. was never my choice really its just who i could relate to. i had to grow up real fast when i was younger and have accomplished a lot in my 20 years of being on this earth.
someone once told me, you cant worry about the past. it's already happened and is just amemory. you cant worry about the furture because it could change at any moment. and you cant worry about the present because everysecond you worry time ticks by and it's already the past.
intersting thought isnt it?
so fuck it.
there are very few people i love on this earth.
my dad
my sister
my brother
missbernie
ben
and jason.
and i truely love these people. i would do anything for them and i'd take a bullet for these people
unfortunatly the last one is my last x. the first person i've ever loved for real *that kinda love*
and i know i shouldnt go back to him, and everyone tells me so, but i know there's something there. or maybe it's just hope. maybe one day i'll figure all these things out. untill then... i'm not too sure what to do.
except keep loving the people i love, and being me. i just wish people could love me for me, and not what i wear, or my tattoos, or my hair, or so on and so forth.
one of these days i hope all of you will love people for who they are not what you think they are or not what you want them to be.
i've been doing a lot of thinking after i heard a friend say 'i think you're so attractive... and i love your personality, but i know i could never date youb ecause youre an extrovert and i'm an introvert'
now i asked what he meant and it came down to my 15 tattoos that i have on my body, and my hair. really? it is so humorous. it really is. i really really do think the best in people and i just keep getting shut down by people who i thought were great and just arent.
i really hope some day people will truely love people for who they are and not what they are. i know i keep saying this but really, it's all i want in life.
/end rant.
<3
anyway on a nother note
update on the x's
i talked to the most recent x (there's more in recent journal entries) for 3 hours tonight. where did we get? nowhere except that we're 'talking'. and he doesnt plan on having sex with anyone and doesnt want me to either. oops
i wish i could be like the guy in 'what women want' and read guys minds so i know when theyr'e fucking me over. i usually do but i always think the best in people and thats where i get fucked. argh. and then i talked to my other x i ran into last night as well and he wants to hang out tomorrow. i mean. come on.
fuck me over once. your bad.
fuck me over twice. my bad.
yet i keep going for third time's a charm and it obviously never works out or i'd be married by now.
and i know what most of you are thinking, damn this girls only 20, but realize i almost did get married a few years ago. he was uspposed to go on tour and said he watned to get engaged so i didtn cheat on him while he was gone,, then decided to sabatodged (sp?) the tour so he could stay here. yeah. fuck that.
trust and communication are the two biggest things in a relationship. if you dont have those? your're fucked.
anyhow, as i was saying, i think i'm the oldest 20 year old out there. and for any of those who know me well enough you'll understand that.
hense the reason why i've never hung out with people less than 5 years older than me for the most part. with a few exceptions. was never my choice really its just who i could relate to. i had to grow up real fast when i was younger and have accomplished a lot in my 20 years of being on this earth.
someone once told me, you cant worry about the past. it's already happened and is just amemory. you cant worry about the furture because it could change at any moment. and you cant worry about the present because everysecond you worry time ticks by and it's already the past.
intersting thought isnt it?
so fuck it.
there are very few people i love on this earth.
my dad
my sister
my brother
missbernie
ben
and jason.
and i truely love these people. i would do anything for them and i'd take a bullet for these people
unfortunatly the last one is my last x. the first person i've ever loved for real *that kinda love*
and i know i shouldnt go back to him, and everyone tells me so, but i know there's something there. or maybe it's just hope. maybe one day i'll figure all these things out. untill then... i'm not too sure what to do.
except keep loving the people i love, and being me. i just wish people could love me for me, and not what i wear, or my tattoos, or my hair, or so on and so forth.
one of these days i hope all of you will love people for who they are not what you think they are or not what you want them to be.
i've been doing a lot of thinking after i heard a friend say 'i think you're so attractive... and i love your personality, but i know i could never date youb ecause youre an extrovert and i'm an introvert'
now i asked what he meant and it came down to my 15 tattoos that i have on my body, and my hair. really? it is so humorous. it really is. i really really do think the best in people and i just keep getting shut down by people who i thought were great and just arent.
i really hope some day people will truely love people for who they are and not what they are. i know i keep saying this but really, it's all i want in life.
/end rant.
<3
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
it'll get better kiddo, it always does....
and i'm here for you whenever you need to talk....