So I can't sleep and I'm feeling depressed 
I'm getting depressed by something that tends to get me depressed a lot.
I hate the fact that i didn't wait till I'm married to have sex. I know most people now will think I'm crazy but i do. I always said to everyone that i was gonna wait till i was married cause i wanted to only be with the oerson i was gonna marry. Everyone made fun of me.... hell even my aunt Cindy laughed in my face and made fun of me for it. But i held strong till i met my ex fiance. We were both virgins and wanted to wait. Soon after we got engaged we were talking about sex and decided that since we were gonna get married anyways that it was ok for us to have sex since we would still be the only person that we were with.
We eventually ended... BADLY
I didn't date or even have sex for almost 2 years. When i finally started dating again i had problems with girls cause i didn't have sex. I would get depressed about it and eventually i had sex again. It did nothing but mess me up. I had a relationship with my now ex Samantha(we're still very close friends). She was as understanding as one can expect someone to be but the fact that i went back and forth about sex made things hard. I couldn't decide if i wanted sex in the relationship or not. I loved sex but i hated myself for not waiting. The relationship eventually ended and that was a large part of it. I would actually cry during or after sex for a long time. I would dread it and it scared me alot. still kinda does although i don't cry anymore.
Since then (that was about 3 years ago) i have slowly become more comfortable with sex in my life but....
i still think about it and look back and hate myself for not waiting. I only wanted to be with one person. The same person my entire life. The woman i loved and would love forever and ever. But i didn't and all i can think is I'm a piece of shit because of it
I hate myself for not being strong enough to wait. If i had one wish if i could go back and change one thing in my life... i never would have had sex.... i woudl stil be a virgin.
I'm getting depressed by something that tends to get me depressed a lot.
I hate the fact that i didn't wait till I'm married to have sex. I know most people now will think I'm crazy but i do. I always said to everyone that i was gonna wait till i was married cause i wanted to only be with the oerson i was gonna marry. Everyone made fun of me.... hell even my aunt Cindy laughed in my face and made fun of me for it. But i held strong till i met my ex fiance. We were both virgins and wanted to wait. Soon after we got engaged we were talking about sex and decided that since we were gonna get married anyways that it was ok for us to have sex since we would still be the only person that we were with.
We eventually ended... BADLY
I didn't date or even have sex for almost 2 years. When i finally started dating again i had problems with girls cause i didn't have sex. I would get depressed about it and eventually i had sex again. It did nothing but mess me up. I had a relationship with my now ex Samantha(we're still very close friends). She was as understanding as one can expect someone to be but the fact that i went back and forth about sex made things hard. I couldn't decide if i wanted sex in the relationship or not. I loved sex but i hated myself for not waiting. The relationship eventually ended and that was a large part of it. I would actually cry during or after sex for a long time. I would dread it and it scared me alot. still kinda does although i don't cry anymore.
Since then (that was about 3 years ago) i have slowly become more comfortable with sex in my life but....
i still think about it and look back and hate myself for not waiting. I only wanted to be with one person. The same person my entire life. The woman i loved and would love forever and ever. But i didn't and all i can think is I'm a piece of shit because of it
I hate myself for not being strong enough to wait. If i had one wish if i could go back and change one thing in my life... i never would have had sex.... i woudl stil be a virgin.
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Learn from the past, live in the present, plan for the future as best you can.
Roll with the punches, and adapt as such.
I'm not sad I waited but I could use some more in my life