Being absolutely, positively fucked up to someone is as important as loving someone and intentionally going out of your way to make sure they know their happiness is important to you. Being fucked up to someone keeps them in line, reduces unsubstantiated self-worth and solidifies relational roles. As important as it is to let someone know you care, it's also important to let others know that you don't care--and how much you actually don't care.
Everyone has done it; when a friend was trying to get in the car, you step on the gas a little so they have to run to catch up, or when you've made out or had sex with someone's sibling. It's a pretty easy habit to get into, and it lets everyone involved know, "hey you're nowhere near as important to me as I am."
Without a good knocking down, a lot of people's lives would be wholly worthless. For example, if animal cruelty didn't exist there would be no animal rights activists. And without something for animal rights activists to do, they'd have to find another roll, another raison d'tre. In a similar way, being completely fucked up to someone gives them something to go tell their friends who in turn validate the feelings they have for the actions you have taken.
Here is a short list of completely fucked-up things you can do to people in order to elevate their station in life. Don't worry, you're doing it for their own good. Besides, if they didn't suck so fucking much there would be no reason to do these things.
Enjoy!
Insult their laugh.
No one is more vulnerable than when they are laughing. A simple "Dude, you got a fucked-up laugh" will suffice immediately following or during laughter. It automatically brings that person to a very self-aware position, and causes them to examine EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY'VE EVER LAUGHED.
Insult their crying.
Making fun of someone while they're crying is a great way to make them cry harder. It's not as powerful because they're ALREADY crying, but, tells them that you don't care that they're crying and as a matter of fact, "it's pretty annoying. You should look in the mirror and see the stupid faces you're making right now." Extra Credit: This redirects their attention from what ever it is that's making them cry. Then you can point out the fact that they don't even know why they're crying anymore. This then makes them think about why they're crying again, which makes them cry harder. Continue to pour salt in the wound until the wound runs out of the room. Crying of course.
Fuck up their name.
Nothing says "you're so not important to me" than calling Brian, "Brad" or Janey, "Gina". This one takes a little practice because at first, it's hard to come up with close variations of names like Heather. But the more you practice the better you'll get at letting people know "you'll be out of my life before I even remember your name ONCE."
Make them your joke.
If you notice some loser trying to win you over, a great way to get under their skin is to make jokes about it. Tell all your friends about all the things they do to gain your affection. Nothing is more heartbreaking than having a number people prodding all your insecurities all due to the fact that the person you admire was obviously laughing about you behind your back. The more brains you have working on insulting this loser, the better. This works well via Internet message boards or in person.
Tell them they need to stop arguing.
If someone begins to complain about anything, especially if it's valid, tell them to stop arguing. People don't like to be told they're arguing, particularly if they're NOT. The only thing they can do is shut the fuck up, or argue that they're not arguing. Either way, they look like a douche bag, and you took the upper-hand.
Tell them they need a nap.
No matter how young or old you are, no one likes to be called a child. A good way to do this is to tell them they need a nap. This shuts people up right quick. Who's NOT going to re-evaluate their position on anything once they've been told they're acting like a kid. For ages 1-100.
Play Video Games.
Most girls HATE video games. A great way to let a girl know how UNinterested you are in her is to play video games. An even better way to let her know is to stop mid-sex to play video games. Make sure you clearly state, "You know what? I'd rather be playing video games right now. I've got a level to beat." This works on guys too, but only if you're dating a dude that doesn't play video games. If he plays video games, he'll understand and won't care because he's got a level to beat too.
Double-Jeopardy.
A sure fire way to let someone know how much THEY amuse YOU. When lying in bed with a lover post-coitus, let one rip under the blankets. Immediately spit straight into the air. Your lover now has two options, get spit on their face, or smell your ass. Let them decide. Bonus points for telling them you love them for the first time immediately following this act and then never speaking to them again.
Everyone has done it; when a friend was trying to get in the car, you step on the gas a little so they have to run to catch up, or when you've made out or had sex with someone's sibling. It's a pretty easy habit to get into, and it lets everyone involved know, "hey you're nowhere near as important to me as I am."
Without a good knocking down, a lot of people's lives would be wholly worthless. For example, if animal cruelty didn't exist there would be no animal rights activists. And without something for animal rights activists to do, they'd have to find another roll, another raison d'tre. In a similar way, being completely fucked up to someone gives them something to go tell their friends who in turn validate the feelings they have for the actions you have taken.
Here is a short list of completely fucked-up things you can do to people in order to elevate their station in life. Don't worry, you're doing it for their own good. Besides, if they didn't suck so fucking much there would be no reason to do these things.
Enjoy!
Insult their laugh.
No one is more vulnerable than when they are laughing. A simple "Dude, you got a fucked-up laugh" will suffice immediately following or during laughter. It automatically brings that person to a very self-aware position, and causes them to examine EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY'VE EVER LAUGHED.
Insult their crying.
Making fun of someone while they're crying is a great way to make them cry harder. It's not as powerful because they're ALREADY crying, but, tells them that you don't care that they're crying and as a matter of fact, "it's pretty annoying. You should look in the mirror and see the stupid faces you're making right now." Extra Credit: This redirects their attention from what ever it is that's making them cry. Then you can point out the fact that they don't even know why they're crying anymore. This then makes them think about why they're crying again, which makes them cry harder. Continue to pour salt in the wound until the wound runs out of the room. Crying of course.
Fuck up their name.
Nothing says "you're so not important to me" than calling Brian, "Brad" or Janey, "Gina". This one takes a little practice because at first, it's hard to come up with close variations of names like Heather. But the more you practice the better you'll get at letting people know "you'll be out of my life before I even remember your name ONCE."
Make them your joke.
If you notice some loser trying to win you over, a great way to get under their skin is to make jokes about it. Tell all your friends about all the things they do to gain your affection. Nothing is more heartbreaking than having a number people prodding all your insecurities all due to the fact that the person you admire was obviously laughing about you behind your back. The more brains you have working on insulting this loser, the better. This works well via Internet message boards or in person.
Tell them they need to stop arguing.
If someone begins to complain about anything, especially if it's valid, tell them to stop arguing. People don't like to be told they're arguing, particularly if they're NOT. The only thing they can do is shut the fuck up, or argue that they're not arguing. Either way, they look like a douche bag, and you took the upper-hand.
Tell them they need a nap.
No matter how young or old you are, no one likes to be called a child. A good way to do this is to tell them they need a nap. This shuts people up right quick. Who's NOT going to re-evaluate their position on anything once they've been told they're acting like a kid. For ages 1-100.
Play Video Games.
Most girls HATE video games. A great way to let a girl know how UNinterested you are in her is to play video games. An even better way to let her know is to stop mid-sex to play video games. Make sure you clearly state, "You know what? I'd rather be playing video games right now. I've got a level to beat." This works on guys too, but only if you're dating a dude that doesn't play video games. If he plays video games, he'll understand and won't care because he's got a level to beat too.
Double-Jeopardy.
A sure fire way to let someone know how much THEY amuse YOU. When lying in bed with a lover post-coitus, let one rip under the blankets. Immediately spit straight into the air. Your lover now has two options, get spit on their face, or smell your ass. Let them decide. Bonus points for telling them you love them for the first time immediately following this act and then never speaking to them again.
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there's not much room on my heroes list, i tend to take up most of the available slots myself. but i laughed my ass off. you get many awesome points for that alone.