Sometimes I feel like the only way I can say something is by dumping it on the Internet. This poses obvious problems. The nice thing about it all, though, is that I can use this as a way to get my thoughts straight. Figure out what is actually in this big ol' head of mine. I can also practise desHell, I don't have a choice. I've written too many papers to ever make a note in a journal like "yada yada yada" or "of course, you know the rest." Because I am certain that, unless I keep a conspicuously faithful record of my doings, I will one day forget them all. I suspect that I will one day write memoirs, but they will not be for posterity, for my wife and children. My memoirs will be written for me. And I will hope never to have to open them. I pray for memory.
But at the same time, I feel safe looking back at the periods I've let go of, and can't much mourn the passing of those memories. But I also know that it's all there, just under the surface, waiting to be recalled. My memories of Wendy and Katy are not dead, just sleeping.
The last few days are hard to explain. Kendra is back in my life. But my life is different. I spent all of break alone, and I've gotten used to it. Jacob and Kendra and I hung out at the Synagogue last night. we got blazed and played Super Mario World. Kendra's moved out. But just now is the first time in two days that she's been in the place she pays for. I don't know, really, what I mean to her. But I'm okay with it. We're being very casual, and slow, and I feel like she's letting her emoitions do what it is that emotions are supposed to do.
I realize that this is not a detailed blow-by-blow, it does not bother to describe, explain, or even justify what I've been up to. But I don't feel like I need that. Not just now, thank you very much.
But at the same time, I feel safe looking back at the periods I've let go of, and can't much mourn the passing of those memories. But I also know that it's all there, just under the surface, waiting to be recalled. My memories of Wendy and Katy are not dead, just sleeping.
The last few days are hard to explain. Kendra is back in my life. But my life is different. I spent all of break alone, and I've gotten used to it. Jacob and Kendra and I hung out at the Synagogue last night. we got blazed and played Super Mario World. Kendra's moved out. But just now is the first time in two days that she's been in the place she pays for. I don't know, really, what I mean to her. But I'm okay with it. We're being very casual, and slow, and I feel like she's letting her emoitions do what it is that emotions are supposed to do.
I realize that this is not a detailed blow-by-blow, it does not bother to describe, explain, or even justify what I've been up to. But I don't feel like I need that. Not just now, thank you very much.
What we need, my friend, is for someone to Truman Show us, or maybe a really accurate space-time recording device. I say space-time because it sounds cool.
Space-time.
You should come visit me. But beware the munchkins.