cusper

for fucks sake.

im sitting in my office, the heat has finally subsided and theres a steady chilled wind streaming in through the window.

My head is pounding and my mind reeling from the abuse I put myself through last night.. Sure i had fun, though to what end? I have a fuck load of work to do, though the one thing i cant get out of my mind is the need to disappear completly & that of a friend with which, although we both have partners, have a wonderful, diverse & intimate connection..

I seek an escape from the turmoil of pleasing others & the saga to represent some other form of oneself to appease the people with the $$$. Sure its a necessary evil, though im fucking sick of all the bullshit. Ive come this far by doing things my way and my way only, so why should i change now? I cant exactly tell clients to fuck off as they pay the bills (well, they take 3 fucking months..) though i fell like i could right now throw all my shot out of the 2nd story office window onto passers by and let them deal with it all.

So what will be the catalyst for this paradigm shift? Is this random crap im typing now into the ether? Or is it my friend/business partner yapping passively aggresively at me about a quote for a meeting tomorrow?

Times like this in previous years i could just get on my bike and shred the fuck out of footpaths, gutters and backstreets..

For now though the schackles are as tight as the deadlines.