I was just stopped by the police looking for 2 black teenagers in a gray Ford Crown Victoria that sideswiped a man and ran him into a ditch. The cop approached with his hand on his gun with his partner by my rear bumper. Cop by bumper, to other cop, I dont think this is the car, and the guy in the car is white. Cop at door, Can you tell me your whereabouts approximately 10:45 this morning, Me Yes in line at Sams club.
Cop, likely story
Me Excuse me officer, but if you would like I will produce the receipt from the club
Cop, That can be from a previous trip
Me, Hey, they date and time everyone
Cop, Ok, hand it over slowly
Hand him receipt for a case of Starbucks Mocha Frappachino, a box of Twinkies, a book by John Grisham and some shipping supplies
He looks at the time, 1049 this morning, it is now 1105 and the store is 4 miles away
This looks OK, but where are these items,
I pop the trunk
Cop, I guess you are going to have a twinkie party, that is how you get fat
Me, No they are for the local precinct they were running low
Cop Are you calling me fat
Me, NO just stupid, You are looking for black suspects in a Crown victoria and this is a Ford Five Hundred, and there is no damage to the vehicle, but then I guess those minor details escaped you
Cop, Driver license and owners card
Me, For what, you are now trying to harass me
Cop, We are just checking to see if everything is legal
Me, One second, calling my cousin, who is a Lieutenant on the force, handing him the documents
Cop, Let me check this out, turn off the phone and step out of the car and assume the position
Me, One minute, someone would like to talk to you. Lt *******************
I tell cousin what is happening
Hand cop phone
After a minute of ass reaming he hands phone back
Cop, You are lucky as next time I will write your ass up for breathing wrong
Me, I do not think so, showing him my pocket tape recorder that had the whole thing on tape,
Me, I think that next time you try to harass anyone I will let my cousin and internal affairs have a copy of the tape, right now the original goes to my lawyer, by the way have a nice day
Cop, likely story
Me Excuse me officer, but if you would like I will produce the receipt from the club
Cop, That can be from a previous trip
Me, Hey, they date and time everyone
Cop, Ok, hand it over slowly
Hand him receipt for a case of Starbucks Mocha Frappachino, a box of Twinkies, a book by John Grisham and some shipping supplies
He looks at the time, 1049 this morning, it is now 1105 and the store is 4 miles away
This looks OK, but where are these items,
I pop the trunk
Cop, I guess you are going to have a twinkie party, that is how you get fat
Me, No they are for the local precinct they were running low
Cop Are you calling me fat
Me, NO just stupid, You are looking for black suspects in a Crown victoria and this is a Ford Five Hundred, and there is no damage to the vehicle, but then I guess those minor details escaped you
Cop, Driver license and owners card
Me, For what, you are now trying to harass me
Cop, We are just checking to see if everything is legal
Me, One second, calling my cousin, who is a Lieutenant on the force, handing him the documents
Cop, Let me check this out, turn off the phone and step out of the car and assume the position
Me, One minute, someone would like to talk to you. Lt *******************
I tell cousin what is happening
Hand cop phone
After a minute of ass reaming he hands phone back
Cop, You are lucky as next time I will write your ass up for breathing wrong
Me, I do not think so, showing him my pocket tape recorder that had the whole thing on tape,
Me, I think that next time you try to harass anyone I will let my cousin and internal affairs have a copy of the tape, right now the original goes to my lawyer, by the way have a nice day
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luciefurr:
haha cops are great sometimes. 