cue

walking on legs that are spent and soar.

i saw him again.
i tried to stay away.
he tried to stay away.

we watched bevis and butthead and laughed out loud while drinking cheap beer and smoking dank weed from mexico.
he's
everything i want in a friend
everything i want in a lover
everything i want in an enemy

he's
damaged.

i used to be that girl
i thought i could save their hearts
if i loved them without restraint
i thought i could reverse pain
i was wrong every time.

i don't have the strength to beat down walls anymore
i don't want to put my hand in the flame
i want to stand by it and let it warm me.

and so i sit on the couch this morning
coffee
mtv
computer
sg blog
alone
.... he never stays ... he never will ....

if he did, would i want him still?