crystalized118

I'm feeling really sad today...
I have been constantly fighting with my boyfriend and I think that something is wrong with me...
I have come to the conclusion that I pick fights over everything. Not one day goes by that I don't have something negative, nasty, or sarcastic to say.
I have been with him for 7 years now... and we have been through so much... I am afraid that my actions might cause him to move out.
I think that I know why I am the way I am. I grew up in a totally dysfunctional family. My mom has been in relationship after relationship that didn't work. MY dad died a lonely man at a young age... and I have no reference to a healthy, loving relationship.

I think that I try to push people away so they can't hurt me first.

Well, all I know is that I need to try to change. I have said it before but I am so set in my ways that it is really hard for me. I don't want to end up alone, but at the same time... I don't really know how to "Be With" someone 100 %.... and it is so sad because I have been with this person for such a long time... You would think that I got the hang of it already.

I am mean....
I am sad....
I am scared....