Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

crymson

Member Since 2006

Followers 73 Following 99

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Monday Jun 05, 2006

Jun 5, 2006
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Good evening my friends,

I have suddely been come over by the Self doubts.
I had a great time this last weekend with my friends at the Saddle Rack. But I keep wondering if it was......
Well................Forced fun..............by me.
I danced with all of my friends for MOST of the night there. but i never ONCE asked someone to "dance WITH ME"
on a slow song. They were all fast group dances.
(ie. ME dancing with 3 to 7 women, all of us dancing with each other.)
The thing IS I am VERY self consous. I am a very shy person when you come right down to it. If I KNOW you and know you WELL that is another thing ENTIRELY. I am JUST how I seem to OTHERS. CONFIDENT, sure of myself and my place among them. ( ALTHO I am NOT so sure on the INSIDE. ) The Girls that I was dancing with the other night are a perfect example. I have KNOWN MOST of them for around 6 to 8 years (OR MORE) and I STILL was to timmid to even ask ONE to dance with me for a slow song. all because I have this stigma in my brain about NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH to be seen dancing with the likes of THEM. now I KNOW that this is foolish of me but thats how it IS with me.
I am intimadated by people that I "deam to be better then me" for one reason or another. I HAVE been ALL my life. I do FAKE it well. There are people ( MOSTLY my parents friends ) that I have known for YEARS. That if I saw them in an everyday thing like shopping I might not even say a WORD to because I am so nervious about it. ( PUBLIC SPEAKING IS NOT one of my strong suits. ;-) )
In fact there is a friend of the family that is a JUDGE that I am suposed to be talking to about my pending Divorce that I have preaty much gone OUT OF MY WAY to NOT talk to, because I fear what he is going to say to me.

I WISH I could break out of this cycle of self doubt and self loathing. but I have no idea HOW to do it.

I know that admitting that I have a problem is the FIRST step. but WHERE do I GO from HERE? ? ? ? ?

I HAD to get this out. To try to show you the REAL me.
Sorry if I have disapointed you. frown frown frown
blush blush blush blush blush blush blush blush blush

Crym

ps. I am STILL trying to mess with the pictures that I want to add to here so you cna accually SEE what I look like.
But untill then please feel free to go to my myspace page.

www.myspace.com/taztony67

More Blogs

  • 05.15.07
    4

    Tuesday May 15, 2007

    OK I have a few pictures from PROM but I am having a minor problem do…
  • 05.11.07
    5

    Friday May 11, 2007

    So is anyone going to the SG PROM in SF tomorrow? I am thinking of g…
  • 05.10.07
    5

    Thursday May 10, 2007

    yadda-yadda-yadda yakety yack blah blah blah
  • 05.08.07
    3

    Tuesday May 08, 2007

    Ok What the hell is up with SG lately? I keep getting bugs.. I Wri…
  • 05.08.07
    0

    Tuesday May 08, 2007

    Today is an odd day for me... I feel ... well Wierd..... Discon…
  • 05.03.07
    7

    Thursday May 03, 2007

    Today is a VERY sad day for me. You see a good friend of mine.......…
  • 05.02.07
    7

    Wednesday May 02, 2007

    Today is a VERY sad day for me. You see a good friend of mine.......…
  • 04.30.07
    9

    Monday Apr 30, 2007

    A BIG ol THANK YOU to EVERYONE that sent me BIRTHDAY WISHES yesterday…
  • 04.24.07
    18

    Wednesday Apr 25, 2007

    My Friends, I am hear tonight in total awe of the way some people act…
  • 04.23.07
    3

    Monday Apr 23, 2007

    Happy Monday to you all. My weekend was real good. I had the kids a…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
8
months
26
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,123,960 followers
  • 14,912,794 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,373,207 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo