crow11

Well it was good to be back. After being out for five days and going batty over being so bored it was good to be at work. Yeah it was good alright.

I ended up doing CPR compressions on a 27 day old baby for an hour...

I can handle just about anything at work. Puke, Piss, Blood, Projectile vomiting, Needles... I can handle the older patients dying, car crashes, heart attacks, shootings, etc. But a baby. 27 days old, came in with no heartbeat, not breathing, it's little body lying on a full stretcher, so much monitoring equipment on it you could barely recongnize this small package as someone's child.

So he came in, no life. But we tried. For one hour I pumped his heart with two fingers. The respiratory therapists pumped his lungs. The nurses struggled to start IVs. The Doctor making fast paced decisions with the calmest of tones. We worked, quiet. Until the parents arrived. I'll never forget their faces. The look of shock, sadness and despair. Shreaking voices, crying, tears. Watching as their child faded from this life... Some of us lost our composures in the room. How could we not. How could we not sympathize with these people. We have kids, families, nephews and neices. We all believe in that parents should never outlive their children.

The baby died. He was so small. So cold. So pale. As I left the room I touched his foot, the size of my thumb. I don't pray anymore but I sent hope.

Fuck you SIDS. Fuck you Death. This is not what I signed up for...