crispy

I don't know why, exactly, but this is where my brain has gone.

April 28, 2000.

My brother - asshole that he is, tried to make all funny during my father's funeral ... yes, during his funeral.

A trash truck pulled in front of the funeral home the day of my dad's memorial service. My brother (always the comedian!) proclaimed - to all of the mourners in the main roon - *pointing* "the hearse is here!!".

Some laughed uncomfortably ... most, like me, wanted to kick him in the face.

My dad was no saint, but he was still my father ....and although I despise many of the things he did while alive, I still tried to empathize with the position he was in toward the end, especially considering my mother's sudden death a few months prior ... he was in so much pain and so scared with the cancer and all....

I never got the chance to tell my father that despite all of the shit that went down in the past, and all the shit that he put us through, that, I, in a small way understood (if only in retrospect) .... and that I loved him ...

that still hurts ...