I am really fucking depressed today. 
I hurt my husband, without meaning to, I just had so much shit swirling in my head that I had to escape everyone and think on my own for awhile. 
except awhile turned out to be from 12:30 (lunchtime) until now (1:34 am). 
I'm just praying that he isn't really mad as well as hurt and I hate that I hurt him, but when I get crowded in by thoughts I run away from everything until I have become sane enough to face the world again. 
Anyways the basics of my problems start at me having my perod for 6 weeks straight ... needless to say my husband got concerned. 
He made me go to the doctors and get checked out, so they checked me out for everything blood or sex related and they couldn't find anything wrong. So now I am booked for an ultrasound with possibility of polysistic ovaries or a cist on my ovary, both which can be very seriously bad for me and both which can lead to infertility. This fucken petrifies me. I have always wanted a child and facing the possibility that I may not have one crushes me. 
Then I also have to sit and think about the fact that I may need serious surgery and surgery doesn't frighten me, but doing it while my husband is away from me does. After all of this when I came home I was really quiet so as not to wake my mother (im 18 - cut me some slack) but at the top of the stairs I slipped on a shell she placed there to mark the dry steps (she is in the process of painting the stairs). Needless to say I went down and completely fucked my self up. My right elbow is the size of a fucking golf ball and my right ass cheek is like a beachball and both are a deep purple. My foot is bone bruised and my neck hurts like a bitch. 
I can deal with pain but when I sit down I almost scream and that with incredible abdominal pains, a lot to think about and the rest of the injuries just fucks me off. 
Making matters worse, it woke my mother who went completely fucking ballistic at me because I wasn't doing my study and I wasn't home and I didn't answer any calls while I was off thinking. She went so nuts as to say she wishes I wasnt a child and I finally snapped. I fucken bawled my eyes out - something I rarely ever do in front of people. Anyways life today sucks, I fucking hate that my husband feels neglected and I fucking hate that in one day I can manage to fuck everything up so good. I think now it is time to sleep and forget, and pray that tomorrow brings me happiness.
I hurt my husband, without meaning to, I just had so much shit swirling in my head that I had to escape everyone and think on my own for awhile. except awhile turned out to be from 12:30 (lunchtime) until now (1:34 am). I'm just praying that he isn't really mad as well as hurt and I hate that I hurt him, but when I get crowded in by thoughts I run away from everything until I have become sane enough to face the world again. Anyways the basics of my problems start at me having my perod for 6 weeks straight ... needless to say my husband got concerned. He made me go to the doctors and get checked out, so they checked me out for everything blood or sex related and they couldn't find anything wrong. So now I am booked for an ultrasound with possibility of polysistic ovaries or a cist on my ovary, both which can be very seriously bad for me and both which can lead to infertility. This fucken petrifies me. I have always wanted a child and facing the possibility that I may not have one crushes me. Then I also have to sit and think about the fact that I may need serious surgery and surgery doesn't frighten me, but doing it while my husband is away from me does. After all of this when I came home I was really quiet so as not to wake my mother (im 18 - cut me some slack) but at the top of the stairs I slipped on a shell she placed there to mark the dry steps (she is in the process of painting the stairs). Needless to say I went down and completely fucked my self up. My right elbow is the size of a fucking golf ball and my right ass cheek is like a beachball and both are a deep purple. My foot is bone bruised and my neck hurts like a bitch. I can deal with pain but when I sit down I almost scream and that with incredible abdominal pains, a lot to think about and the rest of the injuries just fucks me off. Making matters worse, it woke my mother who went completely fucking ballistic at me because I wasn't doing my study and I wasn't home and I didn't answer any calls while I was off thinking. She went so nuts as to say she wishes I wasnt a child and I finally snapped. I fucken bawled my eyes out - something I rarely ever do in front of people. Anyways life today sucks, I fucking hate that my husband feels neglected and I fucking hate that in one day I can manage to fuck everything up so good. I think now it is time to sleep and forget, and pray that tomorrow brings me happiness.
criminalsin:
sorry a child should be her child - fucking incompetent brain