Well, it’s been a while since I posted anything, but only a few days since I got home. Allow me to explain what’s been going on, and understand that yes, I am okay.
For a while, I let my bad habits and addictions get the better of me, thinking that the numbness would help me. I guess not everything works that way and eventually I went for a rehab center to help me out. But even then, life doesn’t always work out that way.
A week into my program, my body took a turn for the worse. Not that it was doing well anyway, but it got to where I had no choice but to go to the hospital, where I spent weeks trying to get better. I ended up getting treated for Guillain-Barré Syndrome which effects my immune system and causes numbness in my arms and legs.
But during my time at the center, and what continued at the hospital, there was this dark feeling I couldn’t shake. I couldn’t help but feel like I failed myself and everyone around me. Because of my poor choices, my stubbornness and carelessness that led to my hospitalization , I was feeling like I was failing at life.
Looking back at what I was doing, I was failing as a coworker, a son, an uncle, a friend. I was getting sick, and I kept getting that way to the point where I couldn’t even recognize my own reflection. As I was lying bedridden in the hospital, I just kept berating myself thinking that I was letting everyone down.
As I kept going, however, I realized how many people still had my back and were rooting for me to get my life back on track. It made me want to work that much harder to try and get myself back on my feet (literally) and now that I’m home, it makes me want to work that much harder to get back on track.
“I sit looking 'round, I look at my face in the mirror. I know I'm worth nothing without you.” Bargain - The Who
