cretinfamily

i really don't give a fuck what you think about me
and if you think you can live my life better i'm willing to let you try
and when you wake up crying because you can't handle the words and the stares and
the thoughts that you'll never really add up to enough to please anyone in this shit hole
and i gave up on pleasing myself long ago
i'm not happy here and sometimes i'm only happy hanging out listening to dumb music
ignoring reality and thinking about you
is that my downfall?
are you my downfall?
cause i all i really want is you
all i really want is to feel you touch me
i just want you to lay on top of me and disappear slowly into me
and if that is wrong i ain't ever going to be right
and i know how clich that is
and i don't care cause i got to get these words out and i got to put them somewhere
and the place i've been storing them
they are kicking me out in like a month
you think love is a dream that we never really get to realize
are there really those people out there that have grabbed a hold of it
have fallen so hard that even their toes tingle at the thought of it
and will i waste my life trying to find this
and if i had you would that make me happy or would that just grow stale and dead
because i'm not sure if i could handle it happening again

i type with my eyes closed cause that is the only way i can do it without criticizing myself
and i guess that makes me deep or just more prone to typos
whatever i don't care
because i can always fix them later
not like me where i make one mistake and it seems to affect every fucking person
around me so
i get to live for them
when i get old enough to have real memories i'll
think about you still
i'll regret all my decisions like everyone else does

i smoke another cigarette
and think about dreams of faith and sex and your sheets
am i feeling sorry for myself
damn me if i do
i know i have more than most but i know that most isn't really a good comparison
in this fucked up place
and fucked up is the reality isn't it

fucked up is all we are
thinking we have it all together so that one day we can wake up and someone can slap
the shit out of us and tell us how wrong we really are
and if you think i' m just rambling on i'm sure you are right and i'm sure that i don't care
when you have thoughts coming at you so fast that you can't walk without one of them
knocking you in the gut you'll get it
and if that never happens to you i guess that makes a happier existence for you
or does it
does it really mean that you got more out of life than i did

if you never had to experience the pain of love never happening the way you wanted it to
and everyone telling you how to live
and someone taking from you all the purity you could ever possess and flushing it down
the toilet with all the shit and sperm that they held inside
and if that was too graphic for you then you really couldn't handle it could you
you want me to censor myself so you can feel better about life
so you can pretend it really isn't so bad
i'll let you tell that to my neighbor who gets the shit beat out of her on a daily basis
by some dude who got made fun of too much in school
and his dad wasn't around enough because he found something better to do with his time

fuck i've went off into my own little world of thoughts now haven't i?
fuck you, it's better there anyway
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and he keeps on touching me and i don't want to stop him and i keep on shaking under his fingers as they trace away all the guilt
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since i posted this i've had a few friends hit me up privately to ask me if i was ok.
just to let you all know...i am ok.
this is just like therapy for me.... i had to get all the stuff out so i could breathe and it felt so damn good.
much love and hugs to you guys!
i am so glad i have made so many good friends on this site.....can you all move closer...or maybe we could all share an island or sumthin...cause i seriously am crushing oh you people