Am I allowed to just not like christmas? i try, every year. I start hearing bells ringing and feel it get cold and automatically start flinching at the lights and music and socializing about to happen. But, i force myself to go out and buy people shit and smile at car antlers and adults in santa hats.
but, its just so damn hard to just do that, nevermind actually enjoy that shit.
And i dont get into the religious aspect of it at all so theres nothing to focus on but the gross commercialism and sickening falsness of adults who hate each other pretending to get along and people who bitch about having no money all year buying ridiculous amounts of worthless crap to try and feel fulfilled.
my family always put so much emphasis on getting along and behaving during christmas, Holding a cut in the amount of gifts we'd receive over our heads for every wrong doing and noisy, childish outburst. I think we all felt that the number of presents we got actually symbolized how much our parents cared about us since they used stuff more often than hugs as rewards the rest of the year.
Santa was almost as much of a morbid sentinel of our hapiness as jesus. watching our every move from his high powered magic crystal ball from the first nip in the air til the moments before we were allowed to finally open our gifts christmas morning.
One of my most vivid christmas memories is of a terribly scratchy metallic christmas dress my parents made me wear to a 3 hour company christmas party when i was 4. I told how much it itched and begged to wear last years dress but, they refused and said last years was to small and the new one was much more grown up.
It wasn't until i was older that i began to realize why my mother seemed to hate christmas too despite her glowing descriptions of christmas traditions and food from her past.
I remember the first time i helped my mother clean up the mess my dad made. I was 12. She had asked a question he didnt feel like answering. So he started screaming and swept everything off the kitchen island in one violent swing of his arm and slammed a glass candle votive onto the countertop.
I was frozen inthe middle of the living room until it occured to me to drag the vacum out and clean up the potting soil from the 2 red pointsettas that he had thrown off the counter while my mother cleaned up the broken glass and he went to bed.
Christmas has always seemed to magnify the disfunction of my family and the families of a few of my friends. The extra pressure from the cliche christmas commercials and seasonal family movies seems to draw a big red circle around every defect and blank space where there should have been love and understanding.
Maybe someday i'll be able to teach my son to enjoy christmas without having to push aside feelings of disgust at all the parts of it i cant stand.
but, its just so damn hard to just do that, nevermind actually enjoy that shit.
And i dont get into the religious aspect of it at all so theres nothing to focus on but the gross commercialism and sickening falsness of adults who hate each other pretending to get along and people who bitch about having no money all year buying ridiculous amounts of worthless crap to try and feel fulfilled.
my family always put so much emphasis on getting along and behaving during christmas, Holding a cut in the amount of gifts we'd receive over our heads for every wrong doing and noisy, childish outburst. I think we all felt that the number of presents we got actually symbolized how much our parents cared about us since they used stuff more often than hugs as rewards the rest of the year.
Santa was almost as much of a morbid sentinel of our hapiness as jesus. watching our every move from his high powered magic crystal ball from the first nip in the air til the moments before we were allowed to finally open our gifts christmas morning.
One of my most vivid christmas memories is of a terribly scratchy metallic christmas dress my parents made me wear to a 3 hour company christmas party when i was 4. I told how much it itched and begged to wear last years dress but, they refused and said last years was to small and the new one was much more grown up.
It wasn't until i was older that i began to realize why my mother seemed to hate christmas too despite her glowing descriptions of christmas traditions and food from her past.
I remember the first time i helped my mother clean up the mess my dad made. I was 12. She had asked a question he didnt feel like answering. So he started screaming and swept everything off the kitchen island in one violent swing of his arm and slammed a glass candle votive onto the countertop.
I was frozen inthe middle of the living room until it occured to me to drag the vacum out and clean up the potting soil from the 2 red pointsettas that he had thrown off the counter while my mother cleaned up the broken glass and he went to bed.
Christmas has always seemed to magnify the disfunction of my family and the families of a few of my friends. The extra pressure from the cliche christmas commercials and seasonal family movies seems to draw a big red circle around every defect and blank space where there should have been love and understanding.
Maybe someday i'll be able to teach my son to enjoy christmas without having to push aside feelings of disgust at all the parts of it i cant stand.
initium13:
I really really hate car antlers,and if I hear last christmas by george micheal in one more gas station im going home and drinking antifreeze. Lol