I turned 43 a week ago. I seem to spend my off time thinking a lot about ex loves and such things. I still think that someday things will just work out. I need to remind myself I'm not that guy anymore. Women I loved and walked away from have been married and divorced and have kids of their own by now. Here I am on SG still dreaming that maybe I'd meet someone on here. You have to laugh at how sad that thought really is. This is probably the only place on the planet I can speak my mind and no one... and I mean no one actually bats a eyelid. Like going to a strip club for affection.
So why even write this? Because I have to get it off me chest. I have to put it out there. I've never had friends good enough to continue a friendship with to talk to about this. No one gets me or this feeling. Honesty doesn't mean a thing in silence.
Life is still good though. Mostly because of that little bit of hope that still hides inside me. Like lint in ones pocket.
At this point I'm trying to come terms with none of the beauty in my mind ever seeing daylight. Shit really seem better in ones dreams than in real life. I've chased those moments like in the movies. The girl doesn't take you back. She never feels the way I did. They move on. I move on... a little wiser, a little bit more dead. The gentle love you want turns into into nothing but a fuck and the dream a one sided joke.
Fuck how I've screwed things up. I'm no saint. I've never intentionally hurt anyone. Maybe chosen the wrong women to love.
Maybe I fucken deserve it... then again the hope in me says everyone deserves love.
PS. I hope the one time I don't want anyone to read the sad, rediculous pathetic shit... no one does. Thank you God. Peace da fuck out Satan. You make your fucken bed. You lie in it shit head.