I stepped on four cockroaches on the way home I was looking down; its quite a challenge keeping up with the little buggers. Left foot, squish, right foot crunch Ahh ahh that one is getting away fate has spared you for yet another day. I feel like a demi god allowing some to live and others to experience the wrath of my footwear. I could use this cockroach description as a metaphor for the crime here some are spared from muggings others are not, it all depends upon where you walk.
Tips for avoiding muggings
1. Dont be stupid. If you insist upon getting unbearably drunk stay with the rest of the pack. Dont go wandering aimlessly down dark streets in the dead of night with waving bills hanging from your back pocket.
2. If youre a woman I would suggest not dressing like a three dollar whore. I mean do you REALLY need to wear those 6inch hot pink stilettos trotting down the uneven streets quintessential to the French Quarter. The Quarter is over 200 years old; they havent even changed the plumbing since then, what makes you think theyd even bother with the sidewalks duh. So save the stilettos for hookin, besides, men will drool at any woman down here. You could be wearing a Krispy Cream uniform with donut filling oozing out your shoes and still the men are picturing you naked dont even worry about the hairnet and safety gloves, they love it even more.
3. Dont go buying your drugs on the street. I dont do drugs nor do I have the inclination, but if you choose to partake in manufactured mood manipulators, ask your waiter or the kitchen help in any restaurant they have them they want to sell them. Its almost pathetic how many people are on some kind of drug here. Word to the wise; be a little bit subtle when asking your waiter they are a paranoid bunch hanging on your every word just to be tipped well.
4. Um dont go looking for trouble on the street. You will get mugged if you pick a fight. More than likely if they pushed you first, your wallet is already gone. Oh and dont forget, if some beautiful amazingly hot woman comes up to you and starts making out with you within seconds of meeting you, youre wallet is gone. I know someone who fell for that. You should see this clown, skinny, pale, looks like a twelve year old boy. Gorgeous woman bumps into him on Bourbon and frenches him on the spot, walks away, by the time he gets into the club to show his ID, ta da wallet vanished. Now thats magic. If shes beautiful and on her own, shes just a part of the smoke and mirrors that is the conning business here in the Big Sleazy.
You may be asking yourself, why would anyone live here if its so slimy? The answer is unforgivably vague. Some people are called to New Orleans. Drawn to it, like women with PMS to chocolate. Its hard to explain, but once you visit and if you cant get the place off your mind until you move here, then and only then will you know you were meant to be here. I moved from Pennsylvania. I love and hate New Orleans which Ill probably share throughout my journal entries. I came here for inspiration, for an unexplained creative lust. I am finding it, but I also realize ambition comes to die in New Orleans. Beauty and mystery are plentiful, but goals and persistence are as mythical as the vampires. I dont recommend anyone to move here but if you must then you are hearing the same sirens song as I god help us.
Tips for avoiding muggings
1. Dont be stupid. If you insist upon getting unbearably drunk stay with the rest of the pack. Dont go wandering aimlessly down dark streets in the dead of night with waving bills hanging from your back pocket.
2. If youre a woman I would suggest not dressing like a three dollar whore. I mean do you REALLY need to wear those 6inch hot pink stilettos trotting down the uneven streets quintessential to the French Quarter. The Quarter is over 200 years old; they havent even changed the plumbing since then, what makes you think theyd even bother with the sidewalks duh. So save the stilettos for hookin, besides, men will drool at any woman down here. You could be wearing a Krispy Cream uniform with donut filling oozing out your shoes and still the men are picturing you naked dont even worry about the hairnet and safety gloves, they love it even more.
3. Dont go buying your drugs on the street. I dont do drugs nor do I have the inclination, but if you choose to partake in manufactured mood manipulators, ask your waiter or the kitchen help in any restaurant they have them they want to sell them. Its almost pathetic how many people are on some kind of drug here. Word to the wise; be a little bit subtle when asking your waiter they are a paranoid bunch hanging on your every word just to be tipped well.
4. Um dont go looking for trouble on the street. You will get mugged if you pick a fight. More than likely if they pushed you first, your wallet is already gone. Oh and dont forget, if some beautiful amazingly hot woman comes up to you and starts making out with you within seconds of meeting you, youre wallet is gone. I know someone who fell for that. You should see this clown, skinny, pale, looks like a twelve year old boy. Gorgeous woman bumps into him on Bourbon and frenches him on the spot, walks away, by the time he gets into the club to show his ID, ta da wallet vanished. Now thats magic. If shes beautiful and on her own, shes just a part of the smoke and mirrors that is the conning business here in the Big Sleazy.
You may be asking yourself, why would anyone live here if its so slimy? The answer is unforgivably vague. Some people are called to New Orleans. Drawn to it, like women with PMS to chocolate. Its hard to explain, but once you visit and if you cant get the place off your mind until you move here, then and only then will you know you were meant to be here. I moved from Pennsylvania. I love and hate New Orleans which Ill probably share throughout my journal entries. I came here for inspiration, for an unexplained creative lust. I am finding it, but I also realize ambition comes to die in New Orleans. Beauty and mystery are plentiful, but goals and persistence are as mythical as the vampires. I dont recommend anyone to move here but if you must then you are hearing the same sirens song as I god help us.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Scratch that, I'm a fool, you said two years ago. Heh. First time I read your comment and wrote one to you I was not in an "all-together" state of mind
[Edited on May 23, 2004 9:12PM]