My dad has stabilised but he is nowhere near 'safe'. Last night I was told he had 24 hours left to live but today he has responded to the kidney dialysis and is now semi-conscious and responsive. He's been moved to the specialist liver unit at a different hospital and has some remaining liver and kidney function, however if he pulls through he will no doubt need a transplant.
It's still 50-50, maybe less but at least I have a small glimmer of hope. Although sometimes I wish i didn't as if something happens now I'll be shattered and I honestly don't know how long it will take me to find all the pieces.
Last night I broke. Literally. During the 9 mile journey back from the hospital I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak and I felt as if I was on drugs, floating semi-conscious from one place to the next with only the pain from the grindling of my jaw as it contorted reminding it was real. I felt my heart repeatedly breaking and cried until I ran out of tears. Then I wailed, a deep, dark and frightening sorrow that I never knew could exist, and pray that I forget it does.
At the risk of sounding like a cheesy romance novel Rick truly is my rock. He knew there was nothing he could say and so he just listened and held me until I didn't have any more strength left in me to cry and fell asleep. If anything positive can possibly come from this experience it's how it's shown me how strong we are together and how much I love him. I've realised that I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. Someone I never thought I would ever fall in love with has completely changed me from a shallow, self-absorbed moronic clone into the person I wanted to be.
And this is forever.
It's still 50-50, maybe less but at least I have a small glimmer of hope. Although sometimes I wish i didn't as if something happens now I'll be shattered and I honestly don't know how long it will take me to find all the pieces.
Last night I broke. Literally. During the 9 mile journey back from the hospital I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak and I felt as if I was on drugs, floating semi-conscious from one place to the next with only the pain from the grindling of my jaw as it contorted reminding it was real. I felt my heart repeatedly breaking and cried until I ran out of tears. Then I wailed, a deep, dark and frightening sorrow that I never knew could exist, and pray that I forget it does.
At the risk of sounding like a cheesy romance novel Rick truly is my rock. He knew there was nothing he could say and so he just listened and held me until I didn't have any more strength left in me to cry and fell asleep. If anything positive can possibly come from this experience it's how it's shown me how strong we are together and how much I love him. I've realised that I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. Someone I never thought I would ever fall in love with has completely changed me from a shallow, self-absorbed moronic clone into the person I wanted to be.
And this is forever.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
fu2:
it does feel that way at the moment
electro:
hehe good name! in leeds we have strange indie nights like 'sexbeat' and 'pigs' non-too sure if i like em all that much!