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create_mess

Birmingham

Member Since 2007

Followers 51 Following 49

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Wednesday Mar 14, 2007

Mar 13, 2007
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So yesterday I found out that my dad is dying. I'm not a depressive person in any way, I always find the fun in something, but this has knocked me senseless. And the worst thing is I'm stuck in Stockport and can't get to him until tonight.

My dad took a paracetamol overdose last Thursday and currently his liver and kidneys are failing. I spoke to him Friday and he said he was ill with a cold. The hospital called me yesterday evening and told me he is pretty much terminal. My mom and nan went to see him last night and he is comatosed.

Maybe I'll be criticised for sharing this with the Internet, maybe you'll judge me, but sometimes strangers give the best comfort.

Suicide is selfish. Fucking selfish. It is not a cry for help it is the ultimate form of self absorption . My father has 2 children, a 70 year old mother, a 98 year old grandmother, an ex wife, a newly estranged husband (yes, HUSBAND), a brother and a career doing what he has always wanted to, singing. He knows I love him. He knows my mother still cares for him and that his own mother and grandmother will always help him out. I've always been able to tell him anything. When I was taking ecstasy, I told my dad, we shared our experiences and laughed about it. He never once told me to stop he simply told me to be careful. He never judged me and I never judged him.

I haven't slept. I haven't eaten and I'm out in public with no make up on. Now I know I'm fucked up.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
create_mess:
I did psychology for two years and studied depression and I know what a horrible grip it gets on people, I just can't explain this situation through depression, 2 weeks ago he was getting married and hadn't a care in the world. That may seem like a completely oxymoron seeing as you wouldn't be killing yourself if you weren't depressed but I just have no idea.
Mar 14, 2007
zoophagous:
Wow, thats.....I don't even know what that is.
Sorry you have to deal with it though. Humans are strange animals, sometimes our actions can't be explained. Sometimes it is just usless to even question somthing that can not be changed, and so the easiest route is to just except it.
I wouldn't wish your experience on anyone, but since you have it you should learn from it......
Mar 14, 2007

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