A workmate came in today laughing so hard he was choking. I asked him what was so funny, and apparently he was walking to work, coat all buttoned up, backpack with his lunch in it on his back and he gets a text message. So he's walking along this alley amongst the backstreets, head hunched over, clicking away on his phone answering this text when this gang of 5 kids, about 14 or 15, stop him and one of them says 'give us your phone'.
Well, my colleague is understandably both amused and perplexed, and replies 'you're joking, right?' to which the would-be mugger with the intellect of Wagnerian proportions says 'No, I'm not, give me your phone. What school do you go to?'
This is reaching farcical proportions now. My mate looks at him for a second, undoes his coat, grabs the kind by the throat, pulls him right up to his face and says 'I'm married, I'm 33 AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING HAVE YOU!' whereupon this kid's little posse screams and runs off as if Satan's cock had grown legs and was chasing them, threatening to make tender, punishing love to their rectums..
The kid being held by his throat starts off all arrogant with the whole 'you can't do this to me!' schtick but before long he's screaming and wriggling around so my mate throws him against a wall a coupla times and says, very quietly 'fuck off' and the would-be crime lord tries to run off, but in his panic gets his legs caught up and falls over, before scrambling back up and running off.
This made me extremely happy today. What cheered you up today?
Well, my colleague is understandably both amused and perplexed, and replies 'you're joking, right?' to which the would-be mugger with the intellect of Wagnerian proportions says 'No, I'm not, give me your phone. What school do you go to?'
This is reaching farcical proportions now. My mate looks at him for a second, undoes his coat, grabs the kind by the throat, pulls him right up to his face and says 'I'm married, I'm 33 AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING HAVE YOU!' whereupon this kid's little posse screams and runs off as if Satan's cock had grown legs and was chasing them, threatening to make tender, punishing love to their rectums..
The kid being held by his throat starts off all arrogant with the whole 'you can't do this to me!' schtick but before long he's screaming and wriggling around so my mate throws him against a wall a coupla times and says, very quietly 'fuck off' and the would-be crime lord tries to run off, but in his panic gets his legs caught up and falls over, before scrambling back up and running off.
This made me extremely happy today. What cheered you up today?
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my story of pikey fucktards acting all pikey fucktardish ends with me getting a punch in the face and so isnt worth regailing you with, suffice to say they dont like accusations of homosexuality being levelled at them... meep.