Oh lord, well that was a rather eventful weekend. You know, I was just thinking to myself how long it's been since I've had a really good 'Jesus Creamy why do you keep attracting these fucking freaks' story. Just goes to show you should be careful what you wish for. Or else you might get it in spades.
So it was about 10 minutes or so before I was due to finish working on friday night, and a particular gentleman walks in. Some of you may know him from the 'My girlfriend's a bad bus' story. Yes. That guy. For those who don't know him, let's just say that he's quite well-known in the area and is generally tolerable so long as he doesn't go off his anti-psychotics.
So he comes in and starts acting like he's my best mate in the world. In this scenario he can be
and I shall be poor, poor confused 
: Alright mate, how you doing? Everything alright today? How's the old comptuers doing today?
: Umm... they're fine... yeah...
: Of course, you know what the most powerful computer of all is, right?
: ... the brain?
: Yes! The brain! Your brain is the most powerful computer of all, It's amazing all the things your brain can do. These computers, this here, all this fucking shit right here, this is just a pale imitation of the human brain.
It is at this point that it has become explicitly clear to me that he's off his anti-psychotics. Fuck.
: You know what I reckon? I reckon, one day in the future, all this crap here, you won't need it! You'll be able to talk to people just using your mind!
: Umm... yeah...
: Yeah, you'll be able to talk to people, just using your brain, just like with a phone, and you won't need one of those bits of crap anymore! That's called psychic powers.
: Right, ok, well I've got to work now, why don't you just leave me a message on your brain phone, ok?
: Yeah! It'll be like that! Like you'll call me with your mind and you'll be talking to me and I'll say "Sorry mate, I can't really talk right now, I'm connected to my mother, who's been dead 30 years, and my dad who died six months ago, can you leave me a message?" and you'll leave a message for me in another part of my brain, and later, when I don't ahve so many connections, you can go back and check my message, just like a phone!
: Right... well... stranger things have happened (at this point I'm in two minds as to whether to get out of there fast or keep egging him on for the sheer comedy).
: That's RIGHT! I mean, you know what I reckon? I reckon that back in the 14th Century, the church covered it all up! Back then, we could ALL talk to each other with our minds, but the church put a stop to it, they covered it up! But the kids today, it's coming back these days with the kids, they're going to be able to talk to each other, the telepathy, I'm telling you, it's the 'in thing' with the kids these days!
: *Is trying DESPERATELY hard to stifle giggles and failing*
: Yes mate! Laugh! You've got to! I mean God's got a sense of humour, right, he must do, and I reckon, you know what? I reckon he walks amongst us. So when you're sitting at your desk 20 years from now, in the 40th Century (wait, what?) and you don't ahve a computer or a phone, and you're thinking 'Well what the FUCK am I going to do now', laugh! Do something silly, like blow up a balloon! God loves it! I mean, guess how I got my girlfriend. Guess!
: Ummm... bought her flowers?
: I shaved off all my pubic hair! And all my blonde hair on my head too! It's true! I just shaved it all off!
It was at roughly this point that my boss came to rescue me as it was my time to go home, and I fucking RAN from the building.
So that was my little bit of eventfulness for the evening. Later on I went to the pub and had a thoroughly good time with JohnStitch, TheQuestion, Honey (whom I haven't seen for FAR too long), Jezebel (likewise), Fanny, Type_B and... umm... someone else. There was drinking, lots of very gay dancing, too much sambuca and far too much My Chemical Romance
Then last night I got to see the always-awesome Bouncing Souls as well as the support band who seemed quite good, The Draft with various SGUK peeps, it's been a whole bunch of fun, although I've been very grateful for the chance to spend today at home,d oing a fat load of nothing. Toodle-pip for now my dears.
So it was about 10 minutes or so before I was due to finish working on friday night, and a particular gentleman walks in. Some of you may know him from the 'My girlfriend's a bad bus' story. Yes. That guy. For those who don't know him, let's just say that he's quite well-known in the area and is generally tolerable so long as he doesn't go off his anti-psychotics.
So he comes in and starts acting like he's my best mate in the world. In this scenario he can be
and I shall be poor, poor confused
: Alright mate, how you doing? Everything alright today? How's the old comptuers doing today?
: Umm... they're fine... yeah...
: Of course, you know what the most powerful computer of all is, right?
: ... the brain?
: Yes! The brain! Your brain is the most powerful computer of all, It's amazing all the things your brain can do. These computers, this here, all this fucking shit right here, this is just a pale imitation of the human brain.
It is at this point that it has become explicitly clear to me that he's off his anti-psychotics. Fuck.
: You know what I reckon? I reckon, one day in the future, all this crap here, you won't need it! You'll be able to talk to people just using your mind!
: Umm... yeah...
: Yeah, you'll be able to talk to people, just using your brain, just like with a phone, and you won't need one of those bits of crap anymore! That's called psychic powers.
: Right, ok, well I've got to work now, why don't you just leave me a message on your brain phone, ok?
: Yeah! It'll be like that! Like you'll call me with your mind and you'll be talking to me and I'll say "Sorry mate, I can't really talk right now, I'm connected to my mother, who's been dead 30 years, and my dad who died six months ago, can you leave me a message?" and you'll leave a message for me in another part of my brain, and later, when I don't ahve so many connections, you can go back and check my message, just like a phone!
: Right... well... stranger things have happened (at this point I'm in two minds as to whether to get out of there fast or keep egging him on for the sheer comedy).
: That's RIGHT! I mean, you know what I reckon? I reckon that back in the 14th Century, the church covered it all up! Back then, we could ALL talk to each other with our minds, but the church put a stop to it, they covered it up! But the kids today, it's coming back these days with the kids, they're going to be able to talk to each other, the telepathy, I'm telling you, it's the 'in thing' with the kids these days!
: *Is trying DESPERATELY hard to stifle giggles and failing*
: Yes mate! Laugh! You've got to! I mean God's got a sense of humour, right, he must do, and I reckon, you know what? I reckon he walks amongst us. So when you're sitting at your desk 20 years from now, in the 40th Century (wait, what?) and you don't ahve a computer or a phone, and you're thinking 'Well what the FUCK am I going to do now', laugh! Do something silly, like blow up a balloon! God loves it! I mean, guess how I got my girlfriend. Guess!
: Ummm... bought her flowers?
: I shaved off all my pubic hair! And all my blonde hair on my head too! It's true! I just shaved it all off!
It was at roughly this point that my boss came to rescue me as it was my time to go home, and I fucking RAN from the building.
So that was my little bit of eventfulness for the evening. Later on I went to the pub and had a thoroughly good time with JohnStitch, TheQuestion, Honey (whom I haven't seen for FAR too long), Jezebel (likewise), Fanny, Type_B and... umm... someone else. There was drinking, lots of very gay dancing, too much sambuca and far too much My Chemical Romance
Then last night I got to see the always-awesome Bouncing Souls as well as the support band who seemed quite good, The Draft with various SGUK peeps, it's been a whole bunch of fun, although I've been very grateful for the chance to spend today at home,d oing a fat load of nothing. Toodle-pip for now my dears.
VIEW 25 of 29 COMMENTS
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
were better
x x
and that youtube video was pure japanese magic, beyond that... like anyone knows.