Hello again my pretties.
I can't say I have anything of particular import to say at the moment, yet I find myself updating anyway. Ho hum. In that case, then, let me amuse you with yet another bizarre MSN conversation. I don't know how I end up in these.
Witness The Fitness says:
I CAN SEE YOU
Ben says:
That is because I am here
Witness The Fitness says:
YES
Ben says:
You are a man of rare cunning
Witness The Fitness says:
It's all gone tits up on the army front
Ben says:
Shit, how so?
Witness The Fitness says:
I may have eyes that are too fucked up
Witness The Fitness says:
I curse a lifetime of fervent and frenzied masturbation
Witness The Fitness says:
I also curse my optician, the dizzy cow may have misunderstood the form she had to fill in
Witness The Fitness says:
I'm going to find out tomorrow if I can get LASERED SHOT INTO MY EYES
Ben says:
I wish you luck, and wish fervently that by some hilarious beareaucratic mix-up I somehow become the one in charge of the laser, because that's something I've always wanted to do
Witness The Fitness says:
Maybe i'll get superpowers!
Witness The Fitness says:
Then they'll definetely let me in
Witness The Fitness says:
"He can melt tanks with his eyes"
Witness The Fitness says:
"Get him recruited"
Ben says:
Shit, we should make the laser RADIOACTIVE, just to hedge our bets
Witness The Fitness says:
Yeah.
Witness The Fitness says:
Maybe fire it through a spideer as well
Witness The Fitness says:
and a polar bear
Ben says:
Fuck yes, polar bears are nature's Panzer Tanks, you want some of that shit, not damn sissy spider powers
Witness The Fitness says:
yeah
Witness The Fitness says:
dump the spider
Witness The Fitness says:
fire the laser through three polar bears
Ben says:
Fire a radioactive laser through three polar bears and then into your eyes
Ben says:
You'd get... shit... I don't know... the ability to fire polar bears from your eyes
Ben says:
HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?
Witness The Fitness says:
I was hoping more for the ability to fire lasers from my eyes with the proportional strength and ferocity of three polar bears
Ben says:
Well ok, I suppose you could go down that route. I'd like you to give serious consideration to the 'Fire polar bears from your eyes' idea though. Imagine, you're walking down a dark alley and all of a sudden BAM! Some mugger pops up trying to rob you right up. You just look at him and WHOOSH! He's got a polar bear on top of him, just RUINING his shit
Witness The Fitness says:
hmmmmmmm
Witness The Fitness says:
the plan has merits
Ben says:
Well exactly
Ben says:
I mean lasers have been done. Who's going to expect a guy firing white furry ursine projectiles from his eyes?
Witness The Fitness says:
INDEED
Also, let me entertain you further with a second installment of:
Things on YouTube That Are Awesome
(any suggestions for names for this gratefully received)
Dr. Tran!
Starts of a little slow, but I was crying with laughter towards the end of it. It defies description. Just watch.
"HOT DICKINGS!"
Sockbaby Part 1
Sockbaby Part 2
Sockbaby Part 3
Yet another short film that defies description. This is a short film made by the same guy who created Earthworm Jim, and it shows. Imagine some kind of surreal kung-fu film shot in someone's front garden made by someone who'd spent the past 5 years on psychotropic drugs. That is Sockbaby.
"You tell your alien brothers that Ronnie Cordove says they're gay!"
OH SWEET JESUS GOD NO MY BRAIN
I can't say I have anything of particular import to say at the moment, yet I find myself updating anyway. Ho hum. In that case, then, let me amuse you with yet another bizarre MSN conversation. I don't know how I end up in these.
Witness The Fitness says:
I CAN SEE YOU
Ben says:
That is because I am here
Witness The Fitness says:
YES
Ben says:
You are a man of rare cunning
Witness The Fitness says:
It's all gone tits up on the army front
Ben says:
Shit, how so?
Witness The Fitness says:
I may have eyes that are too fucked up
Witness The Fitness says:
I curse a lifetime of fervent and frenzied masturbation
Witness The Fitness says:
I also curse my optician, the dizzy cow may have misunderstood the form she had to fill in
Witness The Fitness says:
I'm going to find out tomorrow if I can get LASERED SHOT INTO MY EYES
Ben says:
I wish you luck, and wish fervently that by some hilarious beareaucratic mix-up I somehow become the one in charge of the laser, because that's something I've always wanted to do
Witness The Fitness says:
Maybe i'll get superpowers!
Witness The Fitness says:
Then they'll definetely let me in
Witness The Fitness says:
"He can melt tanks with his eyes"
Witness The Fitness says:
"Get him recruited"
Ben says:
Shit, we should make the laser RADIOACTIVE, just to hedge our bets
Witness The Fitness says:
Yeah.
Witness The Fitness says:
Maybe fire it through a spideer as well
Witness The Fitness says:
and a polar bear
Ben says:
Fuck yes, polar bears are nature's Panzer Tanks, you want some of that shit, not damn sissy spider powers
Witness The Fitness says:
yeah
Witness The Fitness says:
dump the spider
Witness The Fitness says:
fire the laser through three polar bears
Ben says:
Fire a radioactive laser through three polar bears and then into your eyes
Ben says:
You'd get... shit... I don't know... the ability to fire polar bears from your eyes
Ben says:
HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?
Witness The Fitness says:
I was hoping more for the ability to fire lasers from my eyes with the proportional strength and ferocity of three polar bears
Ben says:
Well ok, I suppose you could go down that route. I'd like you to give serious consideration to the 'Fire polar bears from your eyes' idea though. Imagine, you're walking down a dark alley and all of a sudden BAM! Some mugger pops up trying to rob you right up. You just look at him and WHOOSH! He's got a polar bear on top of him, just RUINING his shit
Witness The Fitness says:
hmmmmmmm
Witness The Fitness says:
the plan has merits
Ben says:
Well exactly
Ben says:
I mean lasers have been done. Who's going to expect a guy firing white furry ursine projectiles from his eyes?
Witness The Fitness says:
INDEED
Also, let me entertain you further with a second installment of:
Things on YouTube That Are Awesome
(any suggestions for names for this gratefully received)
Dr. Tran!
Starts of a little slow, but I was crying with laughter towards the end of it. It defies description. Just watch.
"HOT DICKINGS!"
Sockbaby Part 1
Sockbaby Part 2
Sockbaby Part 3
Yet another short film that defies description. This is a short film made by the same guy who created Earthworm Jim, and it shows. Imagine some kind of surreal kung-fu film shot in someone's front garden made by someone who'd spent the past 5 years on psychotropic drugs. That is Sockbaby.
"You tell your alien brothers that Ronnie Cordove says they're gay!"
OH SWEET JESUS GOD NO MY BRAIN
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
mechapearlbass:
It was so good to see you on Friday. I'll see you when I'm back from Greece 
acwildheart:
I wanna get some polar bears that can shoot lasers from their eyes. They could be like my crack team of assassins sent out on to the streets to incinerate emo kids, chavs, trendies and other general scum of the earth. 