creamygoodness

Hello again my pretties.

I can't say I have anything of particular import to say at the moment, yet I find myself updating anyway. Ho hum. In that case, then, let me amuse you with yet another bizarre MSN conversation. I don't know how I end up in these.

Witness The Fitness says:
I CAN SEE YOU
Ben says:
That is because I am here
Witness The Fitness says:
YES
Ben says:
You are a man of rare cunning
Witness The Fitness says:
It's all gone tits up on the army front
Ben says:
Shit, how so?
Witness The Fitness says:
I may have eyes that are too fucked up
Witness The Fitness says:
I curse a lifetime of fervent and frenzied masturbation
Witness The Fitness says:
I also curse my optician, the dizzy cow may have misunderstood the form she had to fill in
Witness The Fitness says:
I'm going to find out tomorrow if I can get LASERED SHOT INTO MY EYES
Ben says:
I wish you luck, and wish fervently that by some hilarious beareaucratic mix-up I somehow become the one in charge of the laser, because that's something I've always wanted to do
Witness The Fitness says:
Maybe i'll get superpowers!
Witness The Fitness says:
Then they'll definetely let me in
Witness The Fitness says:
"He can melt tanks with his eyes"
Witness The Fitness says:
"Get him recruited"
Ben says:
Shit, we should make the laser RADIOACTIVE, just to hedge our bets
Witness The Fitness says:
Yeah.
Witness The Fitness says:
Maybe fire it through a spideer as well
Witness The Fitness says:
and a polar bear
Ben says:
Fuck yes, polar bears are nature's Panzer Tanks, you want some of that shit, not damn sissy spider powers
Witness The Fitness says:
yeah
Witness The Fitness says:
dump the spider
Witness The Fitness says:
fire the laser through three polar bears
Ben says:
Fire a radioactive laser through three polar bears and then into your eyes
Ben says:
You'd get... shit... I don't know... the ability to fire polar bears from your eyes
Ben says:
HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?
Witness The Fitness says:
I was hoping more for the ability to fire lasers from my eyes with the proportional strength and ferocity of three polar bears
Ben says:
Well ok, I suppose you could go down that route. I'd like you to give serious consideration to the 'Fire polar bears from your eyes' idea though. Imagine, you're walking down a dark alley and all of a sudden BAM! Some mugger pops up trying to rob you right up. You just look at him and WHOOSH! He's got a polar bear on top of him, just RUINING his shit
Witness The Fitness says:
hmmmmmmm
Witness The Fitness says:
the plan has merits
Ben says:
Well exactly
Ben says:
I mean lasers have been done. Who's going to expect a guy firing white furry ursine projectiles from his eyes?
Witness The Fitness says:
INDEED

Also, let me entertain you further with a second installment of:

Things on YouTube That Are Awesome
(any suggestions for names for this gratefully received)

Dr. Tran!
Starts of a little slow, but I was crying with laughter towards the end of it. It defies description. Just watch.
"HOT DICKINGS!"

Sockbaby Part 1
Sockbaby Part 2
Sockbaby Part 3
Yet another short film that defies description. This is a short film made by the same guy who created Earthworm Jim, and it shows. Imagine some kind of surreal kung-fu film shot in someone's front garden made by someone who'd spent the past 5 years on psychotropic drugs. That is Sockbaby.
"You tell your alien brothers that Ronnie Cordove says they're gay!"

OH SWEET JESUS GOD NO MY BRAIN