crash_drive

It's been a bit I know, been busy with work and college. I almost failed. The other morning I had a dozen or more anxiety attacks through the day which always messes up my emotions. Between that and my best friend not being tactful with words made me feel I am ugly etc. I know she didn't mean it that way but emotions being messed up I felt that. Plus she made me feel I would not have a chance in life to dive into sexual interests in the dom world. This caused me to question if I should continue to live if the things I desire, love, other areas of sex uncharted to me etc. are denied me. I almost cut myself and broke my streak of not cutting myself. Had many thoughts. Though I did end up with a bad cut at work that day by accident. I left the blood poor. Yea I'm messed up that I enjoy the sight of my own blood and the pain of an open wound. I just try to resist.