crackedhead

Saturday night I went out with some friends for the first time in a long time. It was pretty fun. It also made me realize how sad my life has become because today with nobody to hang with I just sat on my ass and didn't do a damn thing. I seem to easily fall into ruts of nothingness and the rare occassions when I actually do something/anything make me realize that I really need to be more proactive. Maybe then I'll have more fun and won't hate life as much.

I've been getting more serious about pulling my shit together the last few weeks. I've started exercising again, and that has been helping me feel better, more lively and energetic. The realization that I need to pull my head out of my ass, however unpleasant thoughts of being a fuck up are, is totally a good thing.

What I mean by all this is that for a long time I've been what can be called a bit of a slacker. That was all well and good for awhile. Now it is starting to not be so much fun. I see other people passing me by with success in various areas, and I'm sick of the feeling of being left behind. I've become a constant fucking joke to everyone including myself and it fucking sucks. Hopefully this will be a new beginning for crackedhead. Hopefully I won't let myself down again.

I'm hoping that writing these ideas down will make my feelings seem more real, and I'll be able to look back on them when I feel I'm losing direction yet again. Word.