So I decided to just starting writing down thoughts I have while intoxicated. Luckily tonight is a very mild intoxication, unfortunately recent events of being dumped and personally attacked by an ex's boyfriend and such has made the thoughts great ammunition for this kind of self hatred. I wrote the things down before writing this little precursor. Not like anyone will really read it anyway. Bu enjoy.
Things never change. Even if you adapt or begin to grow and let your true self show. At least in my case. Letting things show, becoming vulnerable and finding those who will care for you as you truly are is a load of false hopes in my book. I begin to become more comfortable with myself and those around me being to flee. They fear what I am becoming and the monsters I have hid inside me. Hence why I feel I will forever be alone in my own dark cave. Hiding with my thoughts from a world sheltered by its own negligence, what it does see or hear simply doesn't exist. But the very twisted part is despite my kind heart and good intentions, the world has a way to twist everything in to somehow blaming me. And I begin to believe it too and blame myself. So tonight I eat junk food and do my best to keep away from my blade. Only to hope tomorrow is bearable.