cp

10pm - making an effort to study as i watch ppl walk by drunk, laughing, smoking, holding hands...enjoying their evening on capitol hill. where's my money? why am i not dating anyone right now? why am i taking 20 credits? am i just a sucker for punishment? why haven't i eaten since this morning?

finals week.

when can i leave? how many more questions to answer to master the material for that 8am comprehensive final? when can i skate home down the huge hill that gives me the adrenaline to balance out the boring days?

i live for that hill. real steep and dangerous. speed wobbles and wipeout are a danger every time. i've wiped it once when a car cut me off...paid the price. but when i make it down totally flying, carrying 20lbs of books, wearing shorts, t-shirt and converse lowtops...that is life, the sheer danger. what could really happen? maybe road rash? alot of ppl don't realize how much they have in their lives passing them by, how little they do that they love, how truly little they do with those they love or could soon be in love with.

so i live for the things that are worth it. you are worth it. that's why i am here. i would rather be sharing a beer with a girl whose smile makes me feel lucky to share the laugh. playing guitar at band practice or a show. swimming down at madison beach after park hours with a bunch of my friends. making some money. making out. painting, drawing, fucking, laughing, jumping up and down...

right now i am climbing the hill and when i answer the last question i am going to skate so fast down the other side i'll be laughing at the danger, thrilling in the moment, thinking in 9 different corners of my head about cute women, going for a late, naked swim, starting a new collage, driving way too fast, visiting suicide girls, going for a run.

then i will do whatever i can in the time left for today and fall asleep, wake up and rock that goddamn test. and i'll do it again tomorrow, because that hill will always be there.