cowgirlinthesnow

Today I'm feeling a bit ... "emo", if you will. I mentioned in my last blog that I've started studying Primary Education this semester. Well, I'm taking it ever so slowly and have just started with the one unit, which is Introduction to Science. The thing is, I'm fucking AWFUL at science. I always have been. Ever since I can remember. I just. Don't. Get it. My head just can't get around it. I just don't understaaand. The point is, it's really eating at my ego. I've never been bad at anything throughout my university career (which is rather extensive... I just keep on dropping out). So it kind of makes me throw up my hands and go "pfft, why bother?" I know that's a really stupid reaction but I'm a bit of a dickhead so that's just how it is. So I've just had a bit of a "waaahh waaahhhhh I'm so fucking retardeddddd waaah" crybaby session and now I'm really tired. Crying over nothing really takes it out of me.

Then I was wondering if I really have it in me to be a primary school teacher. I probably don't. I don't have much in me to be anything at all. I keep on thinking to myself, well goddammit, I like hair, so maybe I should just be a hairdresser. But you see, I don't really like hair all that much, and I'll be damned if I make a career out of it. I'm so confused!! Sulking, sulking.

Anyway I'm gonna go and do something stupid like taking a nap. Actually, I'll wait until my boyfriend is out of the house so nobody can witness my laziness.

You know what I REALLY want to do with my life?? Like, REALLY? I want to be a housewife. I want to look after my children and my house. And I know that I'm fucking good at it. And I think that raising children is the most important thing that anybody could do. The only thing is that my boyfriend is an artist and a student and we're fucking poor. And I won't be satisfied with being dirt poor my whole life because I want Leith to grow up in a good environment. And I want to be a rolemodel for him. I want to show him how to make something of his life, even though his father and I are pretty good at making nothing of ours.

I'm just rambling here. I just wish that some really rich guy would decide that he's inlove with me and my child and that Matt would decide that he doesn't want me anymore and then I could go and marry the rich guy and Matt would be ok with it and he could see Leith on the weekends and the rich guy could pay for Leith to go to a good school and also pay for nice dresses and shoes for me. I'm fairly traditional, I guess.

End of whingey blog which I will probably delete later.

Robot.