countervail

I made a lemon mousse cheesecake today, and it tastes like sex. Right before going to the store to get the ingredients for this decadent cake, Eric and I watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for what must have been the tenth time. Whenever I see that movie I automatically act like Raoul Duke and go insane. When we were at the checkstand at the store paying, I kept flailing my arms around and shoving dollar bills in Eric's face for no reason at all, which is amazing and/or awesome.

Ever wonder what Johnny Depp and Jim Carry would look like if they were the same person? Eric and I saw a manager at a restaurant we went to who looked exactly like them. We called him Jim Depp. The guy was insane too...he was so hyper (possibly a tweaker?) that he would wipe down the same table three or four times for no reason. He kept making bizarre Jim Carry-like facial expressions and would randomly scream or giggle for no apparent reason.

I watched three incredible movies this weekend: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Withnail and I, and Chickenhawk: Men Who Love Boys. Here are some of my favorite quotes from these three movies:

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:

"We can't stop here, this is bat country."

"Somebody order some golf shoes, otherwise we'll never get out of this place alive."

"Look over there, there's two women fucking a polar bear." and later: "Do you get paid to fuck the polar bear?"

"Let's get down to brass tacks here...how much for the ape?"

"I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo...and someone was giving booze to these things!"

Withnail and I:

"I feel like a pig shat in my head"

"My heart's beating like a fucked clock!"

"Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting in a fight with that fucker."

"I'm going to pull your head off because I don't like your head"

"All right, this is the plan. We'll get in there and get wrecked. Then we'll eat a pork pie. Then we'll drop a couple of Surmontil 50s each. Means we'll miss out Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning."

"I fuck arses. Who fucks arses? Maybe he fucks arses."

"Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain."

"You can stick it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it."

"I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose, and the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. The carrot has mystery. Flowers are essentially tarts, prostitutes for the bees. There is something very special about a firm, young carrot."

"Where's the whiskey? I got a bastard behind the eyes."

Talking to a chicken:
"How can we make it die?"
"You have to throttle it."
"I think you should strangle it instantly, in case it starts to make friends with us."
"I can't...those dreadful, beady eyes...they stare you out."

"Don't threaten me with a dead fish."

"Where is he? I'm utterly assholed."

Chickenhawk: Men Who Love Boys

"The boy at this age has such a gentle beauty to him, like a budding flower. He moves so gracefully and his body is so nimble."

"Boys like it. That is, they like giving it. Blow jobs, head...you know. And he was giving it to me in such a gentle way, as to completely appreciate the act, this beautiful part of life. I must say, it did produce a rather quick climax, even though he was performing the act in such a gentle manner."

"The boy asked me on a camping trip, and he arranged that the two sleeping bags would be together, so there would be no barrier between us. We spent the night cuddling and fondling, as it were. And when we awoke in the morning, the boy positioned himself in such a way as to have a part of his friend inside of him. It was an amazing act, and it was stimulating enough that there was no lubricant required...just nature's own special lubricant."

"Gays don't reproduce...so the best way for them to get new recruits, is to get young boys, to have these young boys 'broken in,' as it were, by child molestors."

___

Oh, and by the way...I'm amazing.