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cotten

New Orleans

Member Since 2010

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Thursday Mar 25, 2010

Mar 25, 2010
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People! It's time we reconsider the whole police thing. Whose idea was it to give these blue bastards the right to give out traffic citations, anyway? Talk about injustice. Yeah, so I made an illegal left turn; but consider the circumstances. I was in the supermarket. Whenever I enter an American supermarket I get the yawns. Not one or two yawns, but nonstop yawns for as long as I walk those lonely aisles of food. I can hardly put shit I don't need into my basket because of the yawning. At the checkout, a yawn came with such girth that I heard my jaw bone shatter. This caused me to yell out: "Jesus Christ!". After this, the checkout guy did not look me in the eye anymore. People in line took a few steps back. But never mind them. Driving home, obviously my mind was on my jaw bone. I had no choice but to make a quick left turn when the light turned green, even if I had to cut off a minivan. (Minivans deserve no respect on the road.) My jaw bone was shattered for god's sake! I had to get home and put some ice on it...or put some whiskey on ice...or something. But did the corrupt callous police officer care about my jaw bone broken by a yawn? No. Not at all. Gave me a ticket. Total abuse of power, folks...
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
stcyr:
Upon further reflection, Id like to retract the whiskey/bourbon advice - some of my most epic and embarrassing failures being inextricably linked to the same. Perhaps gin, or maybe a nice scotch?
Mar 26, 2010
cotten:
Yes Mountainhound, the gin & tonic is the standby health elixir - it quashes malaria and is good for the heart and brain. Not to mention the botanicals, which do wonders for the skin. (I'm sure you like to take care of your skin.) But I stand by the whiskey, particularly for anything viral. The Hot Toddy is the best cold cure available -- all that cold medicine on the shelves: worthless. Whiskey sugar hot water & cloves in a lemon and you feel like a champ. Man, just thinking about a hot toddy makes me want to go out and get myself a cold or good fever. And as far as embarrassing failures, I commit those after a pot of coffee...

Thanks for the further reflection.
Mar 26, 2010

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