cosyne

*** 287 DAYS REMAIN ***

I missed the show.
My girl stood me up.
Next time I will demand anal.
So instead I went and ate sausage and eggs.
With Sydni and Trevallion.
I sold my first item on eBay.
Metroid Fusion for nine bucks.
Plus shipping.
I must wait four hours.
Then I can go to bed.
Until then -- my sentences will be very simple.
Fuck you conditional clauses!
Actually, "Metroid Fusion for nine bucks" isn't really a sentence at all.
It's just a fragment.
It's a subject with no predicate.
Well FUCK PREDICATES!
Predicates are for hobos.
Verbs are for felchers.
Ok that's a little harsh.
I guess everone uses verbs once in a while.
Can you believe those freakin' quesadillas hanging from my mouth?
If you squint, it looks like candy corn.
I went to the Northgate Mall today.
I bought two pairs of shoues.
Shoe with a 'u' is fucking funny.
Anyone who knows me knows that I almost never buy shoues.
So today was joyous.
Now my feet won't get wet.
My old shoues look like swiss cheese.
They are full of holes.
They smell like farbage.
Farbage is a cross between 'farts' and 'garbage'.
Imagine my shoues.
My shoues in your bed.
How did they get there?
Also at the Northgate Mall, I bought some Ivar's fish and chips.
I got the five piece cod.
I ate it in about two minutes.
Not surprisingly, I was still hungry afterwards.
I am kind of tempted to go watch amateur wrestling at the Eagles Hall tonight.
Someone posted it in the SGSeattle Group.
Hmm...maybe I shouldn't write that.
Oh well it doesn't matter.
It will be over soon anyway.
In like an hour or two.
The wrestling, I mean.
I'm not suicidal.
But those last two sentences sounded kind of macabre.
So I thought I'd clarify.
Come on, did you figure out how my shoues got into your bed yet?
One night a few years back, I had a dream that I was being stalked.
By a granita machine.
I'm not even kidding.
I'm SO tired.
I was going to get more food.
Since I can eat with impunity.
And never EVER gain a pound.
Are you laydeez jelluss?
Of my svelte physique?
OK, so I may look like a heroin addict.
But I read that that look is IN.
In addition, don't be fooled
by Safeway's generic Listerine ripoff.
It's not nearly as potent.
That's fine if you are a mincing dandy.
But I like knowing that I've killed half my taste buds in addition to all the grems in my mouth.
Oops! Phone call!
Why, it's kramit1212!
He wants to go see a movie.
But my body feels like mucilage.
I'm glued to this chair.
It's made from leather.
Leather comes from cows.
Picture cosyne sitting on a cow.
That's quite amusing, isn't it?
Did you shit your pants laughing at what a fucking funny image that was?
cosyne on a cow.
It should be a children's book.
A book for children.
Retarded children.
Speaking of which, my annoying roommate asked my normal roommate for a hug last night.
He told her no.
She loves pudding.
Whenever she touches something, she leaves a handprint.
The handprint is made of gravy.
Chicken gravy.
Has anyone ridden the Metro 74 before?
There's a guy who repeatedly stands up and sits down again.
I was taking the 74 to work and he must have done that at least fifteen times.
And he says the word 'up' in a guttural voice.
Maybe he's not really saying 'up'.
He might just be making a sound.
Then he looks under the seats.
And plays with those concrete wedges for the bus tires.
Then he gets OFF the bus and leaves his 24-pack of Diet Pepsi ON the bus.
Man, is he gonna be pissed when he gets thirsty!
I played some Bach today.
On my roomates keyboard.
A gigue, to be precise.
From French Suite number 6.
It's in G Major.
And it fucking tears ass.
It's wicked fast.
Oops! Another phone call!
It's my friend Sagen.
This girl needs to get laid BADLY.
It doesn't make sense.
She has the worst luck with guys.
But she's actually really cute.
I'd ask for volunteers.
But if you've read this far, you're probably a serial killer or something.
That's what I call a catch 22.
Hey wait -- someone said I looked like a serial killer the other day.
Who the hell was it?
Hmm.
I will consider this further.
Tomorrow I get to go work.
And see my princess make coffee while I run the register.
She's like, STUPID HOTt.
It's funny becuase I also work with this other girl.
She is UBER-FRUMP.
I wonder if they touched each other if they would both disappear.
You know, like in Timecop?
Actually that's a bad example.
Here's a better one.
Did any of you guys ever watch 'Square One'?
It was a math show for grade schoolers on Public Television. It rocked!
"Beware the insidious Mr. Glitch! He will eat you if you are wrong...."
Anyway, they had this one claymation segment that was supposed to teach kids about aritmetic using negative numbers.
There were these pyramid-shaped guys.
Some had flags with pluses sitcking out of their heads and some had flags with minuses.
But whenever the plus guys and minus guys touched each other they would both disappear.
So you see, with these two girls at work....
It's the same thing except with positive and negative hotness.
My normal roomate postulates that if you were to have a 3-way with both of them you would become a virgin.
I however simply think that one would develop a crippling sex complex.
That's tricky.
So so tired.
Must stay awake for 3 more hours.
Oh fuck this. I'm going to get a pizza.
Thanks for listening.
If you read this far, you are now clinically retarded.
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