Here are some brilliant insights for you, fellow softcore alterna-porn enthusiast. Enjoy!
HOW TO BEHAVE AT A FUNERAL:
1. Don't dress like a whore. Just because the deceased was your best friend doesn't mean you can get away with letting your tits hang out of your TANK TOP. Oh and camo hats are probably not the best idea either.
2. If you are going to dress like a whore at a funeral anyway, try to avoid saying "fuck" and "shit" multiple times while reflecting on the deceased at a podium in a huge cathedral in front of several hundred people.
3. OK, so even if you're going to dress whorishly and swear ike mad while the deacon sits in his chair rubbing his eyes because he can't believe how stupid and whorish you are -- at least try to avoid doing something completely tasteless, like, oh I don't know, proposing a toast to the deceased while cracking open and pounding CANS OF PABST in front of the entire congregation.
4. If you happen to be the father of the deceased, don't buy yourself a motorcycle, paint your daughter's name on it, and then proceed to tell everyone present how much you paid for it.
HOW TO COPE WITH POWERFUL HILLBILLIES:
1. Look at any map of the breakdown of the election results for any state. Let's take New York for example.
NYC: Dark Blue
Syracuse: Dark Blue.
Albany: Dark Blue.
Buffalo: Dark Blue
The Appalachain Trail and all those large, boxy counties where, like, 4 people live: Blood Fucking Red
See a pattern?
2. Take note of where the red areas are and then never go to any of them ever ever ever because they are scary and lame and probably eat paste and car parts. Ok, maybe that's a gross generalization. I should say that the red spots are either scary OR lame. I mean they can't really be both, right?
***
And now for some yummer nuggets:
Dr_Phibes wasn't kidding about his skills with the carving knife.
Thank you Lum and MisterSatan for getting me out of the house.
U.S.E. house party got shut down! There ain't always music!
I was Coach Z for Halloween.
I have Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal.
HOW TO BEHAVE AT A FUNERAL:
1. Don't dress like a whore. Just because the deceased was your best friend doesn't mean you can get away with letting your tits hang out of your TANK TOP. Oh and camo hats are probably not the best idea either.
2. If you are going to dress like a whore at a funeral anyway, try to avoid saying "fuck" and "shit" multiple times while reflecting on the deceased at a podium in a huge cathedral in front of several hundred people.
3. OK, so even if you're going to dress whorishly and swear ike mad while the deacon sits in his chair rubbing his eyes because he can't believe how stupid and whorish you are -- at least try to avoid doing something completely tasteless, like, oh I don't know, proposing a toast to the deceased while cracking open and pounding CANS OF PABST in front of the entire congregation.
4. If you happen to be the father of the deceased, don't buy yourself a motorcycle, paint your daughter's name on it, and then proceed to tell everyone present how much you paid for it.
HOW TO COPE WITH POWERFUL HILLBILLIES:
1. Look at any map of the breakdown of the election results for any state. Let's take New York for example.
NYC: Dark Blue
Syracuse: Dark Blue.
Albany: Dark Blue.
Buffalo: Dark Blue
The Appalachain Trail and all those large, boxy counties where, like, 4 people live: Blood Fucking Red
See a pattern?
2. Take note of where the red areas are and then never go to any of them ever ever ever because they are scary and lame and probably eat paste and car parts. Ok, maybe that's a gross generalization. I should say that the red spots are either scary OR lame. I mean they can't really be both, right?
***
And now for some yummer nuggets:
Dr_Phibes wasn't kidding about his skills with the carving knife.
Thank you Lum and MisterSatan for getting me out of the house.
U.S.E. house party got shut down! There ain't always music!
I was Coach Z for Halloween.
I have Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
tawnya:
actually, it's from Beth's cafe, but Trevallion apparently doesn't know what color bacon should be.
imfrickincold:
i'd say that the red states are mostly scarey. never underestimate the stupidity of people in large numbers. love you cosyne, have a fantastic day, and i might be moving to seattle. that is all. *kiss kiss*