So lately there have been a lot of drunk shitheads hanging around outside my bedroom window at, oh....say...5 A.M. -- so after cordially asking them to "please be quiet so I can a the shleep thanks" and subsequently getting what I like to refer to as "the finger", I thought it would be prudent to call the most hardworking folks in America -- AKA the Seattle Police. So for your reading pleasure, I have recorded the police's effective and uber-bitchin methods of dealing with these hooligans.

Saturday, October 2: 3:57 A.M.
No police officer showed

Sunday, October 3: 4:43 A.M.
No police officer showed

BUT I GET A FUCKING $160 TICKET BECAUSE MY TABS HAVE BEEN EXPIRED FOR TWO GODDAMMED DAYS?!

Dear Seattle Police:
What THE FUCK is wrong with you guys? SERIOUSLY.