Who needs a good laugh? Well, let me tell you about my idiotic co-worker. I'll start by setting the scene. I work in a coffee shop in Seattle -- no big deal, who doesn't, right? Well, most of the baristi I work with take their jobs pretty seriously IN fact, we placed 1st, 3rd, and 4th in the Northwest regional barista competition (yes, they really do have such things). So this IDIOT I work with used to work for Starbicks. Now don't get me wrong -- I frequent Starbucks, enjoy their pastries and drip coffee (but ONLY their drip coffee), and absolutely marvel at just how freakin sucessful they are. The Coinstar deal they have going? Brilliant! BUT --- They can't construct a latte to save their lives! They just can't! I'm Sorry, but they just can't!
So what was I saying? Oh yeah, so this IDIOT comes into our coffee shop and thinks he knows EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN THING there is to know about coffee! But he's wrong! You should've seen him the first time our trainer told him he had to grind the beans for each shot -- and that he -- wait for it -- had to actually load the portafilters himself! Hah! PRICELESS! OK, so that's a little coffeesmobbery for ya. But it does set the scene kind of nicely. Oh, and for the record, the drinks this guy makes look like someone took a dump in a cup. Unfortunately, he's slowly destroying our store's credibility as a good place to get coffee -- but whatever. If any of you guys come in and I'm there just ask something like:
"So, are the apricot bars really vegan?"
If I answer, "Yes but only because we forgot to put the eggs in," That means the guy I'm working with is the IDIOT! But if I say. "No, they eat meat all the time," it means that you'll probably get a memorable cuppa joe. Cuppa Joe. God, I hate that phrase.
BUT ANYWAY, so like the 2nd or 3rd time I'm working with THIS TOTAL MORON, he asks me, "So, have you ever been out on a date?" Now how exactly are you supposed to respond to that? Keep in mind that this guy is 24 years old. Yes, that's a big fat 24 in that last sentence, thank you. 24 years old and he's asking me if I've ever been on a date. So I say to him:
"Um.....yeah. Why?"
And he says:
"Oh well I was just wondering....do you try to get to know a girl first, or do you just kind of ask her out on the spot?"
Of course, he's saying this not in an endearing, sheltered youth sort of way, but being unbelievably creepy about it. Yuck. I can't even remember how I responded to that question, probably some line about "be yourself" or some bullshit. Whatever. I barely understand a lot of the nuances of dating myself. I'm not really gonna explain my game (if you can even call it that) to some IDIOT CO-WORKER who poops in a cup and calls it a mocha.
Three days later, he drops this bomb on me:
"I've decided to only date supermodels and actresses."
He was dead. fucking. serious.
I gave him the look that one can only give as if to say, "But you just said something earlier that makes this new comment of yours seem absolutely ludicrous by comparison." He musy have picked up on it, because he then looks me straight in the eye and says -- totally deadpan....
"I'm very complicated."
I want this guy's ass fired SO bad, you can't even imagine. What a STUPID ASS he is!!!! Jesus!
I'll have more on this guy later.
So what was I saying? Oh yeah, so this IDIOT comes into our coffee shop and thinks he knows EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN THING there is to know about coffee! But he's wrong! You should've seen him the first time our trainer told him he had to grind the beans for each shot -- and that he -- wait for it -- had to actually load the portafilters himself! Hah! PRICELESS! OK, so that's a little coffeesmobbery for ya. But it does set the scene kind of nicely. Oh, and for the record, the drinks this guy makes look like someone took a dump in a cup. Unfortunately, he's slowly destroying our store's credibility as a good place to get coffee -- but whatever. If any of you guys come in and I'm there just ask something like:
"So, are the apricot bars really vegan?"
If I answer, "Yes but only because we forgot to put the eggs in," That means the guy I'm working with is the IDIOT! But if I say. "No, they eat meat all the time," it means that you'll probably get a memorable cuppa joe. Cuppa Joe. God, I hate that phrase.
BUT ANYWAY, so like the 2nd or 3rd time I'm working with THIS TOTAL MORON, he asks me, "So, have you ever been out on a date?" Now how exactly are you supposed to respond to that? Keep in mind that this guy is 24 years old. Yes, that's a big fat 24 in that last sentence, thank you. 24 years old and he's asking me if I've ever been on a date. So I say to him:
"Um.....yeah. Why?"
And he says:
"Oh well I was just wondering....do you try to get to know a girl first, or do you just kind of ask her out on the spot?"
Of course, he's saying this not in an endearing, sheltered youth sort of way, but being unbelievably creepy about it. Yuck. I can't even remember how I responded to that question, probably some line about "be yourself" or some bullshit. Whatever. I barely understand a lot of the nuances of dating myself. I'm not really gonna explain my game (if you can even call it that) to some IDIOT CO-WORKER who poops in a cup and calls it a mocha.
Three days later, he drops this bomb on me:
"I've decided to only date supermodels and actresses."
He was dead. fucking. serious.
I gave him the look that one can only give as if to say, "But you just said something earlier that makes this new comment of yours seem absolutely ludicrous by comparison." He musy have picked up on it, because he then looks me straight in the eye and says -- totally deadpan....
"I'm very complicated."
I want this guy's ass fired SO bad, you can't even imagine. What a STUPID ASS he is!!!! Jesus!
I'll have more on this guy later.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
luminaire:
Hot DAMN.
volks:
I just read your comment in Kara's journal and I'm going to be optimistic and assume you're kidding.