I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the nature of men and women relating to each other. For those of you tuning in, I came to SG on the heels of a fairly bad dissoultion. If anyone related to the guilty parties is reading this, I won't mention names, but she treated me horribly and then walked out on me for a 36-year-old man-child. It sent me as close to a psychotic episode as I've ever come, and if I never go there again I'll die quite happy, thank you very much.
But ever since it's made me take a hard look at what people expect from each other, what they get from each other... and I must say the data coming in makes no sense to me.
All around me I see delusion, hypocrisy, foolishness and waste. Men, women, gay, straight; doesn't matter. Everyone just seems to be taking this giant crapshoot and hoping they'll hit the jackpot. I've seen people pine over possible relationships that have clear potential for disaster and say, "well, if I don't, I'll always wonder." "And if you do, you could wind up turning yourself into a total basketcase."
By the way, does anyone know the etymology of that phrase, "basket case"? I'd be interested to know.
But anyway; a Partner seems to be the one thing that people are willing to remain eternally optimistic about even in the face of evidence, history, and personality. "There's plenty of fish in the sea", "The right [insert gender here] is out there for you, you just haven't found them yet", "everything comes to the patient". I don't get it!
So riddle me this: let's take a couple that's been together 20 years; things go to hell and they divorce. What were those 20 years? A learning experience? A mistake? And what about a couple that's only been together five years and the same thing happens; are they better off because it ended sooner than our 20-year example or worse because they didn't have as much time together?
Color me cynical, but I'd like to pose a question: what if there ISN'T a Perfect Someone out there for you? How would you know? I've seen people fool themselves into thinking all sorts of things about their partners for the sake of maintaining the relationship. Are you supposed to just settle and think that this is as good as it's going to get? Is that fair to you? Is it fair to your partner?
Let's take it a step further: Let's say there is no Perfect Someone out there for you. Is this the worst thing that can happen? Biology dictates that we partner and spawn, but given technology and culture these days, I'd say the biological imperative is a little less urgent now than it was back in the day. So what's the worst thing that can happen? Unless you are completely friendless and miserly, you'll leave some kind of legacy to *someone*; no one is ever completely forgotten by the Universe. So where's the impetus? Where's the reason?
If anyone has a bead on this, I'd desperately like to know.
-CB
But ever since it's made me take a hard look at what people expect from each other, what they get from each other... and I must say the data coming in makes no sense to me.
All around me I see delusion, hypocrisy, foolishness and waste. Men, women, gay, straight; doesn't matter. Everyone just seems to be taking this giant crapshoot and hoping they'll hit the jackpot. I've seen people pine over possible relationships that have clear potential for disaster and say, "well, if I don't, I'll always wonder." "And if you do, you could wind up turning yourself into a total basketcase."
By the way, does anyone know the etymology of that phrase, "basket case"? I'd be interested to know.
But anyway; a Partner seems to be the one thing that people are willing to remain eternally optimistic about even in the face of evidence, history, and personality. "There's plenty of fish in the sea", "The right [insert gender here] is out there for you, you just haven't found them yet", "everything comes to the patient". I don't get it!
So riddle me this: let's take a couple that's been together 20 years; things go to hell and they divorce. What were those 20 years? A learning experience? A mistake? And what about a couple that's only been together five years and the same thing happens; are they better off because it ended sooner than our 20-year example or worse because they didn't have as much time together?
Color me cynical, but I'd like to pose a question: what if there ISN'T a Perfect Someone out there for you? How would you know? I've seen people fool themselves into thinking all sorts of things about their partners for the sake of maintaining the relationship. Are you supposed to just settle and think that this is as good as it's going to get? Is that fair to you? Is it fair to your partner?
Let's take it a step further: Let's say there is no Perfect Someone out there for you. Is this the worst thing that can happen? Biology dictates that we partner and spawn, but given technology and culture these days, I'd say the biological imperative is a little less urgent now than it was back in the day. So what's the worst thing that can happen? Unless you are completely friendless and miserly, you'll leave some kind of legacy to *someone*; no one is ever completely forgotten by the Universe. So where's the impetus? Where's the reason?
If anyone has a bead on this, I'd desperately like to know.
-CB