Due to a family emergency, I had to weigh anchor and ship off down to Florida.
Like most people who come from tiny, redneck, southern towns, you can learn all that's necessary from Bumper stickers. In Plant City, Florida, they read something like this:
"GOD H8S FAGS: CHRISTIANS TAKE BACK 'MURICA!" (printed in our state colors: Blood Red, Master-Race White, and Kill-Em-All Camo)
See that water tower? The one shaped like a giant fucking strawberry? I grew up seeing that thing every damn day. I played soccer in the athletic fields it looms over, spent my entire childhood doing community theatre at the adjacent community college, and crooned my fair share of flirty country girls in daisy dukes right off the arms of their vacant-eyed-jock boyfriends and down to this spot.
I never felt guilty that a girl was "cheating" with me. I was never around anyone but adults; I was well aware that the romantic relationships t that age are meaningless ...
Okay, that's a lie.
I never felt guilty because I knew these girls wouldn't be caught dead acknowledging me in public.
In a place like this, you can't have - let's see how should I put this? - a soul. You can't have a soul. Yeah that about puts a pin in it.
I did everything that was not redneck-y. I won art competitions. I hated sports (stopped playing soccer when I was made fun of too much for being fat), I wasn't falling to my knees in front of some hobo in a white robe (that's Jesus, btw), my parents were divorced, I had a disabled sister, I was a singer, and I took dance classes.
These young ladies were WELL aware that in situation other than right-this-very-second, I was nothing but a former fat, nerdy guy walking around with a neon rainbow target glowing on my forehead just waiting to be shot at.
I guess you could say I wasn't one of the cool kids. I wasn't even a "bad boy". Looking back, I see that I was just a mischievous, spontaneous, and artistic "kid" with one hell of a Sinatra impression.
If there had been anything like social media back then, my relationship status (from the age of twelve through, oh, 25) would have been "In a Secret Relationship".
to be continued ...