cosette

I really need to learn how to forgive. I've struggled with this my entire life. I can really hold a grudge, but here's the thing. It's only with the person I'm dating. My best friend lied to me several times and I forgave her and moved on. Past boyfriends have lied to me once and I never forgave them and completely stopped talking to them. No trust again. Ever. Why is that?

I know I do it and I know it's stupid and yet I don't know the steps to take to fix this. I am aware I do it. I just don't know how to stop. Obviously it won't be over night.

Alabama was fantastic. I feel refreshed and cleansed and I am aware of things I need to work on. I just hope it's not too late. I went out to ym car when I was leaving to load my stuff up and noticed the inside of my car was moving. ANTS!!! EVERYWHERE!!!! The one time I actually clean my car out and I get ants!! My friend and I took a vaccuum cleaner and probably killed an entire colony. Those little bastards. So my entire 10 hour drive back I played a game that I like to call Kill an ant at every mile marker. I went out to my car today to get my stuff out (I was too tired to unpack last night) and I didn't see a single ant. So they are either dead already or they are congregating with the Kentucky ants and are planning on carrying my car away. Stupid nature.

However, my friend's parents own horses and we went horseback riding! I hadn't been in years and I used to take lessons. It was fabulous. On our way back we saw a snake going through the grass. I don't know what kind it was. I couldn't get a good look at it, but I don't think it was any kind of venomous snake. I was so excited about it though! Before that she took me back into these woods that had two swamp-type ponds. She said gators have been seen in them before, but we didn't see any. So then we're going through these tall trees and look up and there's this huge spider just hanging on it's web way up in the air between two trees! It was so awesome. I wish I lived in an area where I could just get ona horse and go. Hell, I wish I could afford to have and take care of a horse. I also left Tequila in Alabama. Rats! I was really looking forward to drinking that this weekend. Oh and I would wake up in the morning and be surrounded by all kinds of critters. I woke up the first morning with a dog curled up next to me, another dog curled up by my head on my pillow, and a cat laying on my chest. I'm really glad I got a chance to go down and see my friend though I miss her already.

I go tomorrow to see the school psychologist. I think it will really help with everything that has been going on lately.

I'm excited for Halloween! Although that is also family weekend. I don't know why they would do that. Now everything is going to be a lot more strict and Halloween is always a huge party here. I'll have to hide the hangovers.

Oh! I read The Catcher in the Rye while I was in Alabama. I wasn't crazy about it, but I feel like when we talk about it in our book groups for class that may change. I STILL haven't finished Crime and Punishment. Good lord. I should have taken it with me, but I didn't think I was going to have that much free time.

Man oh man I am looking forward to dinner!