cosette

What if things happend like they were planned? What if I was with him right now? What if I looked up and he was still here looking back at me? What if I was still his and him still mine?

What if he walked in the door right now? What if everything went back to how it was and we were happy? What if he called me right now and told me he still loved me? What if I called him right now and told him I still love him?

What do I do when he comes back home? What do you do when you realize you are still hung up on someone when you thought you were over them? Is this just a rough time? Did something make his memory pop up? And if so what has made it stay for so long?

And now I sit here...crying over him months later wondering if he's thinking about me right now too. Does this make me weak? Does it mean something or is it just the time of year? Does he still love me? Does he still think about me? Has he moved on?

My heart still soars when he talks to me. I still get butterflies in my stomach and I still get nervous. I have so much to say and yet nothing at all. Will he ever be mine again? Is he still secretly mine and this is just a test?

I still wish I was waking up to him every morning like I used to. I still wish he was holding me every night as I slept.Maybe this is what we needed to let go of all the bad things that had happend and we can start fresh.

Until the moment of truth...I will keep reading things from the past and watch the dancing images in my head of us together as I cry silently to myself in a world full of screams....