i've just experienced the worst betrayal and malicious mindgame ever, and that's saying a lot considering the struggle-plagued life i've lived. my supremely vile boyfriend, erikill, who i wasn't even sure was a boyfriend anymore but a FWB type thing (which i wasn't pleased about to begin with), had me arrested the other night for domestic violence, even though i never touched him and had already left the premises of his abode so i could go home and sleep in peace.
i've been working like 16+ hours a day, 7 days a week; i'm exhausted. i fell asleep on his couch and he kicked me to wake me up. i was in mid-nightmare about my ex that i moved to b-town with and a time when he beat the crap out of me and cost me a dance-teacher job i was to audition for that day. the violent nature of my awakening led me to think he was brad and i started yelling at him to stay away while i cowered in a corner.
he told me to get out so i packed my stuff, grabbed my bags, and went to my car. i was in the back seat of said car, attempting to put on a sweatshirt so i could walk home in relative warmth, knowing i was too exhausted to drive safely when i was suddenly surrounded by cops.
not only was his claim an absolute lie, but between the 5 or so cops there, not a single one would ever allow me to tell my side of what happened, or to pass on info regarding the county sherrif's case number on file for previous complaints made against him by every single person in my neighborhood, or to take consideration of the backwards nature of the abuse from the severe and prolific bruises i have all over from him.
i was handcuffed, and taken to a 3x10 stone holding cell with a temperature of about 62 degrees and denied any form of warmth to cover myself with, considering how i was only wearing a tank-top, sandals, and skimpy little silky jogging pants, regardless of the fact that i'd been running a fever all day. imagine how sick i am now after enduring that frigidness for over 12 hours along with no sleep thanks to the emotional turmoil i was under combined with the "bed" available to me consisting of a 3 foot long hard-wood slatted bench and no pillows or blankets.
on top of that, i wasn't read my rights, i wasn't told what the claim was against me except "domestic violence", i wasn't given the opportunity to make a statement myself, i wasn't acknowledged when i attempted to file a counter-complaint or alert them to the prior cases filed against him. i was subjected to endless humiliation and lies, my nipple piercing hole closed up because i had to take the jewelry out after they discovered it during a strip search, even though i had no pockets and skin-tight clothing which was easy to assess my lack of weapons through.
i was almost denied my freedom despite my employer posting my bail early on, because they claimed i was suicidal and unstable - just because i was crying, asking for something to blow my nose with, and repeating how unjust the situation was. after that torment, they kept lying about the status of my bail and the extension of my time in that hellhole.
do you think i learned my lesson? no, erikill picked me up from jail after i was finally released and i went home with him because i believed his lies about not knowing the california domestic violence laws and not being aware of the impact his statement would have; his act of regret and sorrow were convincing enough to get me in bed once more before he pronounced our relationship "doomed" and i went home to try to piece my life back together.
today, i had to go to his house to pick up my paycheck (he picked it up for me since i wasn't going to make it to the payroll office in time). while there, he had the audacity to throw my clunky, heeled sandals at me and scoff when i asked him how he'd like to go to jail now with his violent, abusive outburst.
please, please let me learn my lesson finally. i've put too much of myself into this man and had no positive interaction from him or movements to accept my attempts at reconciling or getting along better.
i feel myself more rapidly becoming cold, bitter, and jaded towards everyone i encounter. and unlike times i've felt this before, i have no reason to believe it'll get better or fade - because i don't want it to. i'm tired of pain and betrayal and i want to throw away all the committments i've made to anyone while i struggle to maintain some of my humanity and my beautiful soul.
and to think - i could've been in LA withebin having fun and companionship with someone who only makes me laugh and feel good, but i'm stuck in hell with an 18 year-old crush who barely knows i'm alive unless i serve a purpose or am hiding out the teens.
i didn't deserve jail; never would've have though for a second this would be done to me by someone who claimed
to be such a great friend to me. i'm angry and it's been a long time that i'm let go of my anger so i could move forward, but i'm finding it harder and harder to see why this happened to me
i hate everything and mistrust everyone.
i've been working like 16+ hours a day, 7 days a week; i'm exhausted. i fell asleep on his couch and he kicked me to wake me up. i was in mid-nightmare about my ex that i moved to b-town with and a time when he beat the crap out of me and cost me a dance-teacher job i was to audition for that day. the violent nature of my awakening led me to think he was brad and i started yelling at him to stay away while i cowered in a corner.
he told me to get out so i packed my stuff, grabbed my bags, and went to my car. i was in the back seat of said car, attempting to put on a sweatshirt so i could walk home in relative warmth, knowing i was too exhausted to drive safely when i was suddenly surrounded by cops.
not only was his claim an absolute lie, but between the 5 or so cops there, not a single one would ever allow me to tell my side of what happened, or to pass on info regarding the county sherrif's case number on file for previous complaints made against him by every single person in my neighborhood, or to take consideration of the backwards nature of the abuse from the severe and prolific bruises i have all over from him.
i was handcuffed, and taken to a 3x10 stone holding cell with a temperature of about 62 degrees and denied any form of warmth to cover myself with, considering how i was only wearing a tank-top, sandals, and skimpy little silky jogging pants, regardless of the fact that i'd been running a fever all day. imagine how sick i am now after enduring that frigidness for over 12 hours along with no sleep thanks to the emotional turmoil i was under combined with the "bed" available to me consisting of a 3 foot long hard-wood slatted bench and no pillows or blankets.
on top of that, i wasn't read my rights, i wasn't told what the claim was against me except "domestic violence", i wasn't given the opportunity to make a statement myself, i wasn't acknowledged when i attempted to file a counter-complaint or alert them to the prior cases filed against him. i was subjected to endless humiliation and lies, my nipple piercing hole closed up because i had to take the jewelry out after they discovered it during a strip search, even though i had no pockets and skin-tight clothing which was easy to assess my lack of weapons through.
i was almost denied my freedom despite my employer posting my bail early on, because they claimed i was suicidal and unstable - just because i was crying, asking for something to blow my nose with, and repeating how unjust the situation was. after that torment, they kept lying about the status of my bail and the extension of my time in that hellhole.
do you think i learned my lesson? no, erikill picked me up from jail after i was finally released and i went home with him because i believed his lies about not knowing the california domestic violence laws and not being aware of the impact his statement would have; his act of regret and sorrow were convincing enough to get me in bed once more before he pronounced our relationship "doomed" and i went home to try to piece my life back together.
today, i had to go to his house to pick up my paycheck (he picked it up for me since i wasn't going to make it to the payroll office in time). while there, he had the audacity to throw my clunky, heeled sandals at me and scoff when i asked him how he'd like to go to jail now with his violent, abusive outburst.
please, please let me learn my lesson finally. i've put too much of myself into this man and had no positive interaction from him or movements to accept my attempts at reconciling or getting along better.
i feel myself more rapidly becoming cold, bitter, and jaded towards everyone i encounter. and unlike times i've felt this before, i have no reason to believe it'll get better or fade - because i don't want it to. i'm tired of pain and betrayal and i want to throw away all the committments i've made to anyone while i struggle to maintain some of my humanity and my beautiful soul.
and to think - i could've been in LA withebin having fun and companionship with someone who only makes me laugh and feel good, but i'm stuck in hell with an 18 year-old crush who barely knows i'm alive unless i serve a purpose or am hiding out the teens.
i didn't deserve jail; never would've have though for a second this would be done to me by someone who claimed
to be such a great friend to me. i'm angry and it's been a long time that i'm let go of my anger so i could move forward, but i'm finding it harder and harder to see why this happened to me
i hate everything and mistrust everyone.
Oh, and I can tell you this - If they never read you your rights, and they did all this shit to you, then they're kinda screwed. I've got friends who've been thru the same thing, and the sheriffs forget to read rights all the time. There's little doubt that you can use that alone to fight back.
Hearts r Dum