Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

corpse81

Joliet

Member Since 2004

Followers 9 Following 26

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Wednesday May 16, 2007

May 16, 2007
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
I am very scared right now. I think I am becoming hollow inside. I dont think im capable of being able to romantically love a man. ever again. when i meet someone i really connect with, i go apeshit and move way too fast, and apparently that scares them away; or if they dont get scared away, then i drive myself insane with thoughts that their cheating on me, or talking behind my back, or using me, or they dont really love me or they dont think im sexy or they want to fuck someone else or their waiting for this someone else to dump their someone else so they can dump me and get into something with that someone else..........BLAH BLAH BLAH....have i driven anyone crazy yet??

So you see, I can never be in love again because either way it goes, whether i act like myself (neurotic) or act cool (like nothing bothers me)....i go insane. i cant win.

so maybe i will feel romantic love for a woman?? im not sure. stranger things have happened. i have a mega crush on miss maya...a romantic crush if you will. which frightens me a bit.

since my lifelong dream of finding a male counterpart to myself is crushed....i am now focusing on my career. if i do not get accepted to school this fall, i will be renting a storage garage and running my car in it. because that will be the last thing this world has shit on for me. love or hobbies/work. i cant have both; only 1. ive known this for a VERY long time that i can't juggle both career and love. damn fates. EL SUICIDO LOCO oink
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
thedvsmonkey:
No, it wasn't us. Not at kinetic playground anyways! wink

ooo aaa
May 16, 2007
teeman:
Are your mates still bailin' on ya? tongue
Yeah its a shame love cant be structured like a career can. Cant set goals, learn anything tangible, switch it off at the end of every day if its getting you down or get paid haha. Because of my chosen career I'm not even home 9 days out of the fortnight, so I'm with you on the slightly neurotic part and subsequently had countless relationships just dissolve because of one reason or another...
But given the choice again I'd still choose the path of career over love (at the moment, atleast). As long as the work you choose makes you as happy as you can be without the thoughts of definitely meeting someone, thats all that can be expected.

And according to my new plasma TV, I'll be happy for a little while longer while I wait for Miss Right to drunkenly stumble by biggrin
May 16, 2007

More Blogs

  • 09.25.07
    3

    Tuesday Sep 25, 2007

    Read More
  • 09.18.07
    3

    Tuesday Sep 18, 2007

    School is going..... and I had the best goddamed sex ever on Satur…
  • 09.10.07
    4

    Monday Sep 10, 2007

    VNV Nation "illusion" *no this song has no hidden meaning for any gu…
  • 08.22.07
    5

    Wednesday Aug 22, 2007

    Found my old diary....got some good snippets from when I lost my virg…
  • 08.18.07
    2

    Sunday Aug 19, 2007

    I do not like what I've become. I look like I ate my former self. Im …
  • 08.12.07
    5

    Sunday Aug 12, 2007

    Got my v.lip( I can abbreviate verticle lip cuz I'm that cool). Septu…
  • 08.08.07
    4

    Wednesday Aug 08, 2007

    You know what sucks? My life. I was thinking about stuff, and reading…
  • 08.04.07
    3

    Sunday Aug 05, 2007

    Stupid fucking prednisone ....... Discontinue use immediately …
  • 08.04.07
    0

    Saturday Aug 04, 2007

    Okay, so maybe trying to kill myself wasn't such a hot idea. OD'ing o…
  • 07.27.07
    3

    Saturday Jul 28, 2007

    Current temperature in my room: 82 Current thoughts in my brain: apat…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
19
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,228 followers
  • 14,946,099 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,456,705 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo