cornelius

a letter to d.

why do you keep coming by my office, ass shakin', eyes to the floor? first thing this morning after vitamin c you came and saw me, looking for my approval... "why are you dressed like that?" i asked... "'cause it was the only thing clean," you answered with hesitation. bullshit... you said the new guy was good looking, i saw the way you were checking him out, but here you are anyway, with a hop in your step for that extra jiggle, bending over to pick stuff up, trying to get your tits to fall out. what happened to make you so desperate? what about getting to know a person? dontcha realize if you come on like that he's not gonna see you any other way? don't you understand? is that what you want? i'm not nostradamus, but please tell me you aren't going to sit around and wonder why he used you so, why he discarded you like a christmas card...

i thought you were one of the better ones, i thought you knew you were the kind of girl who didn't have to do shit like that to catch a man's eye. despite your talent, despite your personality, despite your everything, you've reduced yourself to a simple, vacant piece of meat, just for his approval. i didn't want to think less of you, i didn't... but now, now you're just like the rest of them.

you seem upset that i won't stare at your breasts, that i won't ghost squeeze your ass like the rest of the gorillas around here. you're pissed that i actually try to make eye-contact, that i won't pass the horizon. you trot on by and i see you glance back, but i wasn't looking and i'm not gonna. i respect you, but that's not what you want from me, from anyone. i understand that a woman has needs, but why are you such a hypocrite? what was it you said about those other girls, the ones you called bimbos, the ones you match now, head-to-toe?

let's hope that you've outgrown your tendency to seek out men who hurt you, and that you won't be crying on my shoulder again, this time.

-bobby