i got kicked the fuck out.
i was never an active member of SGAZ... i read through the posts with much fervor and delight, i thumbed through the pictures of the get-togethers, marveling at all that i had missed. i tried to be witty in my remarks, but i could never find the courage to actually seek them out in meatspace... i logged on today after about a week of being missing in action to find that my access to the group has now been blocked.
i realize why i was removed... inara warned everyone time after time. i was acting like a fly on the wall, an outsider to their meetings, an eavesdropper to their shenanigans. i always thought i would eventually find the time to do something with them in person, if the right setting ever came up. it's not like i was voted off the island (was i?). now i totally feel left out, a lonesome loser with his eyes at ground level, coyishly toeing the dirt with his shoes.
i'm sorry i never went to any gatherings, and now i'll never know when any future ones will happen. i kept making excuses, trying to put my social anxiety disorder in check... i'm too busy, i'm too nerdy, my schedule is too hectic, i got prior commitments, i'm sick, they won't like me, i won't fit in, i'm not hip enough, they've already got a fat guy. i wish i wouldn't have missed out on meeting people who very well could have been the like-minded individuals i was searching for... i could lie and turn it around on them, saying that i didn't want to participate in their reindeer games, but i did... i wanted to belong, but like so much else in my life, it all never really came together.
so, here's to all the dinners i missed, the members i dissed, wasted opprotunities and water under the bridge. someday, someone somewhere will see me putting up stickers downtown, and wonder who the hell i am, and as they call out, i'll just run away.
-bobby
i was never an active member of SGAZ... i read through the posts with much fervor and delight, i thumbed through the pictures of the get-togethers, marveling at all that i had missed. i tried to be witty in my remarks, but i could never find the courage to actually seek them out in meatspace... i logged on today after about a week of being missing in action to find that my access to the group has now been blocked.
i realize why i was removed... inara warned everyone time after time. i was acting like a fly on the wall, an outsider to their meetings, an eavesdropper to their shenanigans. i always thought i would eventually find the time to do something with them in person, if the right setting ever came up. it's not like i was voted off the island (was i?). now i totally feel left out, a lonesome loser with his eyes at ground level, coyishly toeing the dirt with his shoes.
i'm sorry i never went to any gatherings, and now i'll never know when any future ones will happen. i kept making excuses, trying to put my social anxiety disorder in check... i'm too busy, i'm too nerdy, my schedule is too hectic, i got prior commitments, i'm sick, they won't like me, i won't fit in, i'm not hip enough, they've already got a fat guy. i wish i wouldn't have missed out on meeting people who very well could have been the like-minded individuals i was searching for... i could lie and turn it around on them, saying that i didn't want to participate in their reindeer games, but i did... i wanted to belong, but like so much else in my life, it all never really came together.
so, here's to all the dinners i missed, the members i dissed, wasted opprotunities and water under the bridge. someday, someone somewhere will see me putting up stickers downtown, and wonder who the hell i am, and as they call out, i'll just run away.
-bobby
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That said, if the group is that important to you, I suggest you apply to join again. This time make it count
i really did not take being removed personally; i totally understand. a lot of times i re-read what i write on here and i sort of regret it. it is meant to be an on-the-fly catharsis, more for me personally than anything else.
i didn't mean to sound so whiney... thanks for reminding me that if it really was that important to me, i would have given it a much higher priority. i actually do have some sort of a mental problem dealing with social situations, and am much more at ease behind a terminal than i am in real life.
-bobby