cornelius

i forget what it was that i was watching the other day, but for the first time in a long while, televison taught me something... i forget the basis as to how the situation was brought up, but 2 characters were talking about relationships, or the lack thereof.

what was brought up was that people who are attracted to "damaged goods" often only get into relationships because subconsiously, they know it's gonna fail and they really only want to be alone. the thing is that those same people are entirely terrified of being alone, so they get into shitty situation after shitty situation, because they just can't stand being with themselves.

"well, duh!" i thought to myself.

it all started making sense, why i am always into girls that treat me like dirt and that are just generally unhealthy for me in the long run... do i know deep down that it's not going to work, and am i just looking for some quick sexual recognition without all the bullshit phonetag suffering that comes with it?

i don't think i am afraid of being alone... i haven't had a "girlfriend" in more than a year, but that isn't by choice. i'm always fetchin' for some attention of the female kind, but i never get it... it always eludes me, like somehow without me knowing it, i was dipped in a river of girl repellant when i was young. i'm the guy with potential that gets passed up for the guy with the outlaw biker syndrome.

my love is gonna fail, and the best pornography is the kind inside my head, the inexhaustible spank bank where the sexpots never say no.

-bobby