you can't love anyone unless you first love yourself.
i'm not exactly filled with self-loathing. i spend just about the same amount of time in front of the mirror as everyone else. what has been pointed out to me is that i probably have a fear of intimacy and something else going on in my head that ultimately leads to a failure of commitment. i'd just like to think that i'm above casual sex, and that i don't wanna be in a relationship... but that's not true.
i'd rather have sex with someone i cared about and knew inside and out, which basically means i'll never have casual sex. i guess i'll only ever have formal sex where we will wear ball gowns and cumberbunds and sign legal forms before the fact. sounds sexy, doesn't it?
i'd like to be in a relationship, i really, really would. the trouble is that i'm real good in finding little faults with people that lead me to downgrade them in terms of respectibility. it's not like i'm some fucking uberman saint, but it's the little things that mean a lot, and i'm not interested in settling for less. someday when i'm not paying attention i'll run into a girl with a bigger robot collection than me, and for that, i'll be eternally grateful.
what does the comic book guy say when the nerdy girl he meets says she'll go out with him if he combs the sweet-tarts out of his beard? "Don't try to change me, baby."
what it boils down to is that i'm scared of being abandoned again, of having to sort through my personal belongings to get rid of stuff that's solely her's, turning 1 box of shit into 2 boxes of shit. here i am, living backwards in time, still thinking that's it's 3 years ago and blaming myself instead of the cruel girl who put me here. what did i do wrong? why did she throw 4 years away like a fuckin' parking ticket?
the truth is that her leaving was one of the best things that ever happened to me. she made me stronger and wiser... a crutch taken away from a cripple. she doesn't even know what she gave me by leaving, and i'll never thank her for it. as dysfunctional as she was, she'll always hold a special piece in my heart, 'cause she's the one who set me free.
free to do what, i'm still trying to figure out.
-bobby
i'm not exactly filled with self-loathing. i spend just about the same amount of time in front of the mirror as everyone else. what has been pointed out to me is that i probably have a fear of intimacy and something else going on in my head that ultimately leads to a failure of commitment. i'd just like to think that i'm above casual sex, and that i don't wanna be in a relationship... but that's not true.
i'd rather have sex with someone i cared about and knew inside and out, which basically means i'll never have casual sex. i guess i'll only ever have formal sex where we will wear ball gowns and cumberbunds and sign legal forms before the fact. sounds sexy, doesn't it?
i'd like to be in a relationship, i really, really would. the trouble is that i'm real good in finding little faults with people that lead me to downgrade them in terms of respectibility. it's not like i'm some fucking uberman saint, but it's the little things that mean a lot, and i'm not interested in settling for less. someday when i'm not paying attention i'll run into a girl with a bigger robot collection than me, and for that, i'll be eternally grateful.
what does the comic book guy say when the nerdy girl he meets says she'll go out with him if he combs the sweet-tarts out of his beard? "Don't try to change me, baby."
what it boils down to is that i'm scared of being abandoned again, of having to sort through my personal belongings to get rid of stuff that's solely her's, turning 1 box of shit into 2 boxes of shit. here i am, living backwards in time, still thinking that's it's 3 years ago and blaming myself instead of the cruel girl who put me here. what did i do wrong? why did she throw 4 years away like a fuckin' parking ticket?
the truth is that her leaving was one of the best things that ever happened to me. she made me stronger and wiser... a crutch taken away from a cripple. she doesn't even know what she gave me by leaving, and i'll never thank her for it. as dysfunctional as she was, she'll always hold a special piece in my heart, 'cause she's the one who set me free.
free to do what, i'm still trying to figure out.
-bobby