when i answer the phone, any phone, i say "Celebrity Hot Tub Party, May I Help You?"
It's worked out pretty good so far. It always stumps telemarketers, who will immediately take you off of their call list since it's a business phone. when people call me the first time, they resemble deer caught in the headlights... on the phone. i've had plenty of people go "sorry, wrong number" only to call right back. my good friends really get into it, asking who the celebrity special of the day is, and so forth.
I guess you could say I was lying to these complete strangers, but i'll just call it acting. we all act, or lie, in our own little ways... why fight it? just make it a normal part of your everyday routine, and soon enough, you'll be lying like a champ. "yeah, i've heard that record," or "i've never met anyone like you." it's like a miracle bra for you mind! now when i'm at work and someone i don't really like on a personal level comes up to me with the minutia of their weekend, i just feign interest and drill them with questions that i don't listen to the answers of. they get to think i give a shit, and i get the satisfaction of perfecting my craft. someday this online journal thing is gonna come back and bite me on the ass... good thing i doubt i'll ever run for political office. eddie haskell woulda made a mean secretary of the treasury.
there aren't any laws for truth in advertising. if there were, no one anywhere would ever be in a relationship.
i was in dilly's deli yesterday, as per my usual ritual, when a young couple walked in... they were one of those couples who wear coordinating outfits, and who hold hands constantly, and spend 30 minutes deciding on what they are gonna eat because they each want to nibble on each other's sandwiches. at one point, while the girl was sitting and the boy was waiting for their order at the counter, they actually called each other on their matching cell phones... they were in the same fucking room for crissakes!
you could tell by the look in his eye and the way he slapped her teenage ass like a piece of meat that he cheated on her constantly, and that she just didn't have a fucking clue... here's to the kind of people who end up with wasted promise and children that don't love them.
if it was up to me, a giant muppet hand would have come into my frame of vision and just smacked both of them in the face. just break each other's hearts and get on with it!
hurry up and ruin each other's lives!
-bobby
It's worked out pretty good so far. It always stumps telemarketers, who will immediately take you off of their call list since it's a business phone. when people call me the first time, they resemble deer caught in the headlights... on the phone. i've had plenty of people go "sorry, wrong number" only to call right back. my good friends really get into it, asking who the celebrity special of the day is, and so forth.
I guess you could say I was lying to these complete strangers, but i'll just call it acting. we all act, or lie, in our own little ways... why fight it? just make it a normal part of your everyday routine, and soon enough, you'll be lying like a champ. "yeah, i've heard that record," or "i've never met anyone like you." it's like a miracle bra for you mind! now when i'm at work and someone i don't really like on a personal level comes up to me with the minutia of their weekend, i just feign interest and drill them with questions that i don't listen to the answers of. they get to think i give a shit, and i get the satisfaction of perfecting my craft. someday this online journal thing is gonna come back and bite me on the ass... good thing i doubt i'll ever run for political office. eddie haskell woulda made a mean secretary of the treasury.
there aren't any laws for truth in advertising. if there were, no one anywhere would ever be in a relationship.
i was in dilly's deli yesterday, as per my usual ritual, when a young couple walked in... they were one of those couples who wear coordinating outfits, and who hold hands constantly, and spend 30 minutes deciding on what they are gonna eat because they each want to nibble on each other's sandwiches. at one point, while the girl was sitting and the boy was waiting for their order at the counter, they actually called each other on their matching cell phones... they were in the same fucking room for crissakes!
you could tell by the look in his eye and the way he slapped her teenage ass like a piece of meat that he cheated on her constantly, and that she just didn't have a fucking clue... here's to the kind of people who end up with wasted promise and children that don't love them.
if it was up to me, a giant muppet hand would have come into my frame of vision and just smacked both of them in the face. just break each other's hearts and get on with it!
hurry up and ruin each other's lives!
-bobby